Monday 23 May 2011

Socially awkward

Most probably wouldn't think this, so it is quite amusing to write this, forever am I impressed by self-reflection and piecing everything back together again. Perhaps May is the time of the year for me of flashbacks and puzzle pieces nearing a strange infinite completion...

I now realise how socially awkward I have been. Of course everyday fluctuates for people depending on mood and whether you do just want to sit and observe, or to chat amongst new faces and familiar ones. However, only now do I realise times in the past were I could have made better use of situations-and why I handled them in the way I did then.

My brain feels like a constant 'cogg' which keeps spinning, and finds ways though hard to make it stop, or at least slow down! I think now the realisation comes from engaging with new people, and getting to know others a bit better too. I find the best example to give is when people dance, whether it's bad music-understandably if it's not to ones taste then your body will naturally find it hard to give in to the music. However, when it comes to a sobering factor where dancing just doesn't seem to work, thankfully for me this notion has disappeared. For those that may not find it as natural to, (without trying to sound patronising) let go, for me personally I liked to surround myself with those that did. It kind of established that it was ok to dance and move, if no-one was looking at my friends weird, then why would they look at me too?

I find the best way to see social situations are, most of the time the people you meet won't remember you tomorrow, next week or in a months time e.t.c. If one were to visit a club and see those dancing, we have all done it and thought wow, they look funny, silly, good, bad, e.t.c Yet do we really remember their faces and who they are next week, unless a poignant connection with them has been made?!

In socialising I like to apply this theory to mind, because within this idea inhibitions tend to be forgotten about. In an ideal world we all would think like this of course, everyday we tend to battle with our natural reactions into whether to go for it, or not. It makes me smile when we get to 'certain places' as we call them, that place of comfortable, with people for what we talk about, and don't talk about. Most of the time it is all linked to fear in unwanting to be judged, the other side is also chosing what one wishes to discuss because sometimes when a particular topic is brought up, it becomes more about the other person listening and not knowing what to say-or is it one protecting self and not wanting pity or the unwanted response?!

This is where I find socialing very interesting these days and sometimes I like to see it as a sort of game, or well perhaps a constant surprise. My job is all about representing and being the face value of companies. If I look, say something, bad, do something wrong it reflects on the people upstairs. In a sense, if you look at it one way-that is hilarious. To think one would judge one person and hold it against many others!...Doesn't it all seem so silly! Because of the importance held on representation, not just in my role but with everyday situations too, when meeting new people I find one has built a certain awareness of knowing when is the right time to say something, and when is not. There are always different worlds to balance between in saying what you really want to one another, and knowing when to hold back.

To apply this to what could be said as my social development; I find now less fear in questioning whether I should say what I feel. With some situations and environments aside, deep down I couldn't walk away from an event having thought 'I could have said more'. I want to say what I think, regardless. Words end up falling out of my mouth anyways, but to do that and not worry afterwards, well lucky me. I feel my new challenge should be the actions I do instead. Whether it involves giving more of a hug then a smile to one, or whether it involves going with my instinct to dance when no-one else is, or to run about just because I can. Perhaps most would agree they would like to come away from a social situation and say, yeah...that was good, that was really good! I love how we all end up connecting. 

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