The following words come from Cary Tennis towards a ex-heroin addict. Although the words below apply to the use of that particular drug, we all have our own form of 'drug' abuse. For some it will be a substance: legal-alcohol, cigarettes. Some may take illegal ones and others may source 'drugs' from substances which seem all the norm; food, caffeine, exercise, music... anything. We all have our own 'drugs', our escapes, our 'go to'. The balance is knowing when they flirt with being used as a compensation instead of dealing with other issues, or whether we use them for pure pleasure, to make the most of the moment without desiring to hide or escape. I find Cary's words accurate in representing a particular process one goes through in dealing with traumatic experiences.
'When we stop using drugs we find our lives are full of stuff. It's overwhelming!
It's like we're living in this room with a million boxes all still sealed up and piled all around us over our heads, blocking out the windows and doors. So we begin to unpack. Slowly. Most of it we'd rather leave in the boxes but it's like the boxes are piled up all around us and we're stuck in this tiny room and until we open the boxes and unpack them one by one we can't get out of the room. We hear voices outside and have the feeling it's a sunny day out there and people are having a great time but we're in here with all these boxes and inside some of them are very painful memories. So for a while we just sit there and try to catch our breath. Luckily, we find when we stop using drugs that we can sit in a room quietly and know that for now things are OK. We learn to catch little moments where everything is just OK right now. Plus, it helps that we can't really get out of the room anyway. So we learn to sit and breathe, and nobody is forcing us to open the boxes before we're ready.
But eventually, we begin opening the boxes. Now the best way to do it, I think, is with a partner -- a therapist or recovery sponsor. Because we need a structure, a plan, a way to open each box, and a plan for what to do with the contents of each box.
All the things you dream of will come to you. It's just not going to happen right this second. Right this second, you're sitting in a room full of boxes, and they have to be unpacked before you can get out of the room. Outside there's sunlight and friendship and love and people are waiting for you. They're not going anywhere. They'll be there. You don't have to hurry. All you have to do is start unpacking the boxes. But don't start until you're ready, and don't start until you have someone there with you to help you, to witness the gifts and the horrors. Yes, there will be some horrors. But listen, some of these boxes contain marvelous and forgotten treasures. It's not just all a bunch of pain and junk and horror in there. There are lots of treasures in these boxes that you've neglected or forgotten. There's a whole lifetime in there.
Everything you deserve will come, and what was taken from you will be returned. It just takes time.'
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