I like to think the wind is a great murmur of the worlds movement. Sometimes I make myself laugh at what I write and my descriptions, I know there are people out there who laugh and think 'get over yourself' when writing seems slightly exaggerated on all things 'normal', but who would take away the gift for one to express...
That gift was taken away this week. Posting failed and my words I felt which I wanted to review over this weekend were taken away from me, what happens is out of my hands and is something everybody has to get used to. We can't control everything.
The biggest idea that has come to my attention this week flows along the lines of, what happens today will take care of tomorrow. For one does not worry about tomorrow as it will take care of itself. If you get my drift...
Personally, I know what I wrote on Thursday would probably have been more to my own benefit than anyone else's. Perhaps in the world of blogging it will always be more of a self reward than anything else, but if anything we did didn't have some sort of gain than why would we do anything? As much as certain tasks pain us, we all do things for a reason, that reason however unpleasant the given task may be always has a resolved accomplishment.
Our future is out of our control on so many levels, I can see why this may seem contradictory to what I have talked about in the past considering I say it is our world to make our own. Sure, this still applies although I see it as healthier to apply this perhaps to the given year ahead of one. Too far ahead may seem, to me somewhat shaky in a sense. I 'worry' about today for tomorrow will take care of itself, and then when tomorrow comes then is the time to think about it. Who know what will happen. With anything. With anyone.
There seems to be a scale of acceptance to make these ideas seem more realistic. A few months back after two painful emotional experiences commenced it became all the more clear in how the body deals with trauma and how one journeys through stages for it all to become, content. At first, one feels like they are screaming all the time. Panic. Usually this becomes offloaded in forms of literal screaming, or crying. I think everyone has their own form of an outcome. Sometimes it is a strange sense of silence and as the trauma begins to kick in, for some the crying may just keep continuing but for me crying seemed impossible. Perhaps there was so much to cope with, would the next stage be shock (and somewhat heartbreak over the given traumatic situation as well). Silence perhaps ties in with shock because you are so overwhelmed with trauma, you body begins to shut down. You are totally confused. What seemed important at the time becomes something you could easily throw away, it looses its meaning as all you can concentrate is trying to form some sort of resolve-be that your job, relationships, health... I suppose the confusion comes from feeling total utter pain, your brain is working out how to deal with it, in which way to cope best-battling with trying getting answers as well.
I think that probably is the hardest part to coping with trauma. However much we wish and fight and beg, the trauma and what has caused it majoritively is out of our control. We cannot do anything with it accept wait. That is the most traumatic part of it all. And this is where the acceptance comes in. The only way to continue is to accept the answer or resolve is something we can't produce ourselves (in most cases). Though perhaps it is necessary for ourselves to go through these motions otherwise the acceptance wouldn't exist. A beautiful ugly pattern. Answers aren't always immediate.
But again, there is a reward at the end of it. A point is reached when you take a breath and exhale. All is in a way, forgotten, let go and learned from. From self experience I think it makes you stronger and you appreciate everything else all the more. Perhaps battling with the big can make you a more 'free' and a less stressed person, everything becomes prioritised.