Monday 31 January 2011

Time for ourselves

To seem alone, though one is really lonely. Some may say we compensate for it in ways which seem normal at the time, but they are actually cushioning our emotions. Every human is unsatisfied. To a point. It would help if we perhaps analyse what is good in our lives and what part each people make in it.
I can really understand patterns in my past behaviour and realising now that life is not a case of loneliness, it's a case of being, alone, as one. And not depending on anyone either. Or depending on anything more, as such, for me to enjoy time as myself, as me. No-one is a cushion for my happiness, my levels are what I create and encourage within my own life to enjoy my time alive. I make my life, no-one else does.
Several examples, religion, relationships, substances all can be a cushion of this and seem like a happy part, contrasting the chaos that surrounds our everyday lives. Essentially this is a misguided view of life and false hope. Lets be real yeah? We live for now and not for the future (as such). Perhaps everyone should take time to be, whether they are in a relationship or not, and have time to reflect on realising they do have the strength to come home, to an empty room, their OWN space. And they are OK. Feel no fear to be alone. Because time by yourself doesn't represent lonely. It represents one. As a whole.
Imagine being so strong as one, so comfortable within yourself, confidence and happiness and loving everything around you that makes you happy. Doubling it, tripling it, sharing with those you care for who share the same senses too, their warmth for the world and appreciation for their external influences-their daily challenges. We all only learn and thrive from our daily 'chaos'. Could you even call it chaos if you learn from it? Learning from it makes it become a positive-you benefit, it makes you, you. Evaluate the substances we bring to ourselves and really examine what influence they take in our lives. If they are an aid of comfort, a support, a blanket...than do they really benefit us?

Substance is this case could mean person, object, something we can intake into our body...anything...
On the one hand you could say substance could be anything you turn to, when life doesn't feel so great, in order to make you feel better. What may seem to make us happy could actually be a misconception of reality. Perhaps if we shed all the extra substances we hide our true selves with, than alone would not feel so scary...?
With the substance gone, would we realise that perhaps what we were trying to cushion, trying to kid ourselves about, the issue would be dealt with and less time agonising ourselves would be spent. I know it's easy to say 'lets achieve happiness in a quicker time', but we spend so much time avoiding the real truth. Ripping off the plaster wouldn't be so bad, alternatively-what option do we have? Defer the pain for much longer or deal with things now-and see what happens?
I personally find that much more exciting than lingering with the 'what I know already'.
Risk is good. It makes you feel alive.
One massive example is religion. People turn to their God for advice, help, comfort. They pray, sing, wish, hope in order for a better life, an afterlife and a good life at the present. I have always found this a wondrous process. I don't agree with it, at all. (though find no need to treat it with no respect-I behave accordingly to those with this lifestyle) It all feels like a method, a sense of false hope.
Someone once said to me before, 'when times are hard and you have no-one to turn to, then at least you have God'. This, made me laugh. Not at them. Not at anyone who believes in a God. Just in the fact that, well, the silliness in general human nature. I mean this in no arrogant way, for anyone who may disagree with my above thoughts, but surely human nature would have advanced to realise that it is more of a greater achievement to find strength within yourself, to feel no need to turn to anything, to be able to deal with a problem/issue/moment of discomfort yourself? Wouldn't intelligence suggest to urge one no sense of created hope, and be realistic? I am not saying, people who go to friends for advice are fools-we all do it. I LOVE THAT. It's how we roll as human beings and its lovely.

Sometimes it's not even a case of wanting words, sometimes it's great to be close and have a hug. I just see no sense in masking reality with the mis-conception of religion-in creating a pivotal figure who seemingly will always have the right answer. It's an illusionary happiness. You can't touch it. It is not physical. At least finding happiness within yourself without turning to a huge development of ideas is more rewarding? You can see it. Just look in the mirror.
Substance-meaning anything that makes us feel better and takes us away from the world.
Why are we taking it? The peak may seem great at the time, but afterwards how do we really feel? If you find it is something that makes you feel happy, but for a subjective short period of time-perhaps this is something to overcome. Challenge yourself. The unknown is good. It's interesting.

Thursday 27 January 2011

Do we create our own problems?


I would say this article is what has inspired me mostly today. The following paragraph sent a huge sense of wow through me. We all experience our own journeys, I feel like I have experienced a rather large one myself, it has given me such a new way of life that my excitement for what will happen in the future is a powerful luxury-it puts such a huge smile on my face everyday. The inside of me smiles. That may sound completely foreign but If only I could show what I feel inside then colours would fill the world.
'The van is my go-to place when I'm scared. The bottle is the go-to place for Williams. Other people run to shopping, to eating, to sex, to drugs. But we all run. It's just part of our journey.'
When I breathe, my body tingles. Haha I hear you all laugh. Whether it's at me, or with me, I really don't mind. All I know is that If everybody could feel this everyday, all day (not that I'm saying it's a constant feeling) then I'm fairly sure that the majority of the world would not feel unhappy, unsatisfied, and always chasing more. The feeling is gained from life experiences. As such, we are the ones In control of our life experiences.


Someone once said to me that we choose to be stressed. I have always disagreed with that statement, and partly took it as an insult because I used to be (and of course at times still am) an awfully stressed, worried, dramatic person who over thought about most things.Now that person feels so alien. Perhaps now on some level I agree with that statement. If that person Is reading this (you know who you are) I hope you laugh when you read. Do me the favour and laugh. We should all really laugh at things...

I feel my day today has shown me that perhaps, we are the ones who are a major impact in causing our own problems. There is a certain extent to what that statement means, of course we don't choose to be ill, we don't choose for those for other people to create problems for ourselves-BUT, it is within ourselves to be able to, I suppose find the way which feels most natural in order to respond to it.

Are we letting/allowing it all to happen? To take over us? We need to find a way to manage. Balance, I keep finding myself say. Essentially we choose how we may treat an issue, problem, person, anything!... We all just need to get to that place, to have the right attitude per say, where our natural instinct becomes the most logical instinct.

Breathe and imagine the problem to be physically in front of you. Like I have said before, it is all just words at the end of the day. Words are what we use to describe the emotions we feel. Be that something good, or something bad.

Imagine the emotion linked to the problem as a physical shape. Once it becomes taken out of your head, in some way, It may feel like a step forward into treating the problem. The problem should feel less mess and more like something to deal with, like a shape which can fit into the right hole. There is always a solution to the problem. Sometimes more time is required into gaining perspective for the most appropriate solution possible-FOR YOURSELF. Your solution may not always seem like the most reasonable for those linked to the problem. BUT. They will see it's right. If not now. Someday. Take and give everything the benefit of the doubt (probably some of the best advice someone has given me).

Apply this to your lifestyle now and you may find yourself re-evaluating what may seem like the norm, because it has always been that way right? Don't be scared to venture into the unknown, because in time you will realise it is the better way, you just didn't know it then/now. There will always be a place to go if you find, for whatever reasons, the changes you have decided to make aren't quite what you expected.

I know with myself, I had a ladder with goals, steps to be completed. Now these steps have been completed, my vertical has now become a horizontal. There are more steps to take, they are never ongoing, my ladder verges up into a cloud, yet at the moment it is more a bridge that wonders into a lovely mist.

We should celebrate the moments we all feel a particular moment of clarity. Find the way which feels best to you. Some kind words of advice. Just don't abuse it and get sucked into relying on anything to bring you back up again. It will be a false sense of living. You deserve what makes you feel happy. Don't beat yourself up about it. (Of course there are some things which you cannot take this advice to heart with, as one should evaluate if they are relying on something too much as a pick me up...)

One day it will all make sense. Enjoy the journey.

Wednesday 26 January 2011

Reconcile

'You lost your dad and will lose your mom eventually. And then you will be gone too. We're all going to be gone. So there is little point to struggling against it.'
I think this has been the most poignant quote I have read today. 

On a daily basis, there are always battles.Unfortunately, these battles largely consist of the ones we appose ourselves. Be it with work, people, relationships, money, health e.t.c everyday there is always going to be an internal battle with one self:
'Because we are not just material creatures but creatures of thought and light and feeling, we are never wholly subject to problems of money and disease and loss. There is always something more to us. We are much more than our missed court dates and our poor appetites. We are much more than our rags and our bills.'
There can be such beauty in words, the words don't have to be a sentence, some can just be strands:
'we're all part of something immensely bigger, that we were brought into being in a certain form by this universe and there is no reason to suspect that we will go out of existence from this universe in any less miraculous and beautiful way.'
Sometimes it just takes a little reminder for us all to realise what we need to do with ourselves, sometimes we are doing it already without realising. It can be a painful thing to see one infront of you that suffers. Yet we must all accept that all we can give is our words. There is no need to force our own energy in trying to control their situation, because when it comes down to it, it has to take that individual to really want to change their situation-if they so believe it is right for them. Patience is necessary. Don't overcrowd them. Allow them their space.

Put your frustrations aside. People don't listen when you shout.

Monday 24 January 2011

The weekend wonder

Traveling, I find encourages you to love those in your life more. It takes the whole pace of a journey, usually spending that time on your own, for you to get those unique moments where your brain clicks. The image of a steep vertical comes to mind, but changes to a horizontal horizon. Time with others only enhances my love for those also in my life, some I may not have seen recently. That being a couple of days, weeks or months. A unique euphoria, which I feel so blessed for.

The ability to dance and flounce and float through the day on my happy high, I am so lucky. Because what does everything really come down to? Obviously, the basic survival importance's comes with a necessity to maintain yourself: job, money, social life. But lets enjoy it right? Feel Everything. Touch everything! Not just physically, I'm talking about with your mind. Everything you see, give it a smile-perhaps not a massive pearly whites kind but smile from within. Appreciate that it's there now and exists, before you know it, it all could disappear.

Thursday 20 January 2011

Physical over Mental

So it all started from reading the following article. And of course, from daily interaction with some of the greatest people I've met.

The overall feeling for me today has been, that we place way too much pressure on ourselves about restricting one self from the things we enjoy. More stress is caused by the pressure we have created ourselves, how can we continue these goals per say, without them feeling too negative or like a chore? If we thrive from it, fair enough, but if overall it feels alien to us-are we sure it's the right thing to do?
Of course there is a balance to everything, I'm not saying everyone should give up, what I'm saying is, maybe we should all just take a moment. Some perhaps spend more time thinking about a particular aim, but more time uncomfortable about the situation, feeling less happy with that lifestyle than just doing what we want and having what we want, when we want it.
IS IT WORTH IT!?

It's funny how we, as humans, if we have a weird day, or get worked up about something, the general saying is, 'ahh I need a drink', or 'I'll eat this because I'm fed up', we always find methods to direct our frustrations towards. Usually we know that these methods tend to not be the most healthiest options but they always feel the most satisfying when devilishly given into. Perhaps its natures way of telling us something is missing in our lives? Or maybe we are just putting way too much pressure on ourselves, for actually enjoying something! Are we all just getting used to a constant 'something wrong, or not quite right' lifestyle? Most of us enjoy food (or the potential thing you are trying to have less of) right!? So why, most of the time, can we not let it be? Surely if there wasn't so much pressure and constant reminder to eat (or other applicable things) this way, then it would all just flow by itself. When one restricts from something, you always become more aware of it. Here's a ridiculous example:
I love music, I may have the volume too loud on my headphones but I flipping play it loud because I get the most out of it in that sense! Yet I know if I said to myself, you shouldn't play it so loud, and I kept the volume to a minimum, I wouldn't enjoy the music so loud as much!...
What is the fucking point. I mean really. We spend so much time saying 'ooo i shouldn't too that and shan't do this'. 
Fuck off. I mean really just fuck off. There's that little voice in our heads which tells us no, you shouldn't, you shan't, isn't there? Sometimes you just have to live.
'So, yeah, this might be officially the world's lamest attempt to give something up for January. But you know what? Life really is too short to forgo one of your main pleasures just for the sake of it. If it's not LITERALLY-KILLING-YOU-RIGHT-NOW then why put yourself through it? My advice to all those ditching the chocolate/booze/Frazzles this January is to end the misery and return to the habit pronto. And then eat/drink a load more to make up for all the days you've missed.' 
Finally, at least there's someone out there that gets it. Everyone should just fuck themselves, but in a nice way of course. I was saying earlier that we create these issues for ourslves, but they aren't actually physical things. They are all just words. People may tell you their problems, annoyances e.t.c. not necessarily physically harming things (obviously for those who are experiencing physical pain from illness e.t.c then my sympathy goes out to you, sincerely it does) Yet all of these problems are just words. It's not like there are in front of you and you can see them, they are just words inside your head. So why the hell do we let them take over our lives and cause actual physical pain-stress-yes it's mental but it affects our physical self. It's so wasteful!!

If someone complains to you about something, which is out of your hands (and probably theirs too) just listen to them. Don't feel responsible for their woes. And when they are finished ranting, take a breath yourself, give them a hug and laugh. Because sometimes you just have to do that. Is there really a need for all this drama?

Just give it a thought, what are you gaining from it?

Of course we all lash out and need a release, and so release it. But do it knowing that afterwards, you should be able to laugh and not need to gain anything from anyone else who has to listen. Bear in mind that people do take on your problems themselves, its a helpless thing, its human nature to do so. We all want to help each other. Just don't dwell on it, and that ability will come to laugh laugh laugh.

I'm putting way too much pressure on myself to change particular things in my lifestyle, and after talking to a good friend of mine, I realised though I may be expressing my views to them in a way to benefit themselves, I'm not actually taking my own advice too. I am going to enjoy what I am punishing myself to not have, just because I can! I will, and I'll spend less time denying myself that fun, right!

Life is good. We should all enjoy it. We waste sooooo much time not enjoying it, It is all about balance..

Now do me a favour and listen to one of your favourite songs, and go nuts.

Dance, sing, scream, have whatever you are denying yourself of because

IS IT ALL WORTH IT!!!??? NO! Enjoy and be proud of YOU! I suppose what I'm hoping to do is inspire people. If someone takes anything from this, whatever it is, please let me know. I know to most people I sound crazy, and would probably look like I was on something if I were to describe my feelings in person-I'm passionate! Take me as you wish! Perhaps its because you don't hear this kind of stuff everyday, and it's a little out of the ordinary because its so blatantly staring at you in the face. I'm sure most of the people in the world thinking this already, we all just take a lot of time trying to work it all out

I don't need drugs to have a good time, I don't need alcohol to have a good time. I don't necessarily need too much. I have that ability within myself to be loud, quiet, silly, dance, sing, and just be without needing an excuse for behaving the way I do.

'oh i did that because i was drunk'...

'or give me a drink and ill be dancing all night'...

Sound familiar? Don't you think that it is just silly! You should just do that anyways without those mental constraints affecting your desire to have fun. Just be and have fun!!!!!!

All I want to do right now is hug those I know and show appreciation for everyone in my life. I am so lucky to be alive and hope that most people could feel the way I do. I feel like this every day and it's such a wonderful breeze. It actually could move one to tears because its so lovely, and gorgeous. It's beautiful.

I think it's called a breakthrough. We should all glow.

Wednesday 19 January 2011

It all sounds so simple...

Yet it always makes sense.

Whilst at work today my associate came across this article. It felt like a perfect balance piece after my day yesterday. It's funny though, how happiness seems to become easily equated to a simple construction. It's like when you see statements like 'I can make you thin' e.t.c. It always seems so simple at first, yet when you break it down one will realise the bigger scale of things.

I suppose the hardest part of achieving happiness is looking at your current lifestyle, and perhaps realising what may exist in your life, as constant and familiar as that has been so far, may not necessarily be the most positive part in creating your ideal world. It will always be the case that once that job, person...anything really, is out of your life, the damage, as such, or stress it may have caused for you will become more apparent. At the time when the decision is made, it will always seem so scary. Though afterwards comes the reward-life is better without the unnecessary stress.

The whole process may feel like an even bigger stress in itself. Of course you could carry on with the way your life is now, it's easier of course... But wouldn't you rather be able to say you have consciously made an effort to improve your lifestyle, and have given it a go, instead of constantly wondering what the other side may be like?

It always frustrates me when someone may express how they are unhappy with something in their life, of course we are all guilty of the following-we pick faults and expect them to be easily fixable...a quick fix is always the ideal. Problems of course can differ from health, to work, to relationships-there will always be a solution, unfortunately an 'over the counter' solution just isn't the way it's going to be. Perhaps if every individual sat down and really pin pointed where their emotion of annoyance is coming from, we would all save a lot of time, cost, circles and corners of exploring a solution.

I tend to ask myself:
  • Why-why is this issue in your life?
  • Where does it come from? work, people (a personal relationship/family/friends)
  • Who? who is involved, who does it affect.
and then ask yourself...

Is it all really worth it?

Are you wasting more time holding onto the issue itself, instead of letting it go. And yes that does mean whether you want to end a relationship, to quit your job... changing and taking a step away from what you already know is not a bad thing, there are ways of stepping outside your comfort box...and ways to step back in your safe zone too. They will be combined.

I suppose I am saying that happiness does not always come down to having more in your life, it sometimes is a case of having less (I could go into a discussion about whether it is regarded as less, where as it could seem more in life, in terms of value-but lets not digress too much and exhaust things...)

To be content feels amazing. There is very little chase, little competition, little struggle to satisfy. I write all of this before I make my way to meet two of the greatest people in my life for lunch. I look forward to hearing their stories and just being within their company. Seeing them smile makes me smile, a lot. I love to learn and just being around other people only enhances my happiness and appreciation for what I have got going on in my life. (though there is nothing wrong for not feeling completely 100% with what exists in ones life too) I know very well that if they were not in my life I would be sad in a sense. But it's the importance in recognising the warmth and appreciation now for these people while they are around in my lifestyle. 

I suppose I feel the urge to express the above because at the moment I have a small number of really familiar people in my life due to moving to a new city, a new life, new experiences-and all towards achieving a found sort of zen. Of course I could focus my mind on the fact there are little friends around, though I feel so lucky and...do I really need to say more? There just is no need to explain sometimes.

When searching for happiness, always take time to familiarise yourself with what you do have. If you are feeling down, your current lifestyle may not always seem as bad as you think it is...

Avoid too much self pressure. Life is too short.

Tuesday 18 January 2011

Find the right focus

'Is there something about the way we live now that’s making us extremely sad? Are these intensely negative feelings symptoms of a larger societal problem?'
Or perhaps we all just waste fucking time focusing that we are feeling down as opposed to focusing on ways to pull ourselves back up again...Everybody needs a hug, to tell them it is going to be ok. It's fine to need that and want that. But it does get to a point when you have to pull yourself together, without anyone telling you to also. I think you reach a point where you feel so crap you may want to hide away forever. But what life is that?

The ultimate low is reached, unless you want to self harm and abuse your own body (or even someone else in the process), how much lower can you really make yourself feel? After all, you are unhappy because something isn't going the right way in your life, right? It's better to accept the notion that you are sad as soon as you can, as soon as you are ready, because then the sooner you are able to turn everything around. If you never reached that low, then you may never have been in the position yourself to evaluate what isn't exactly right in your life. Perhaps everyday would be the usual, as apposed to the constant good day. The good day would be your exception. However reaching the low then turns everything around. The good day will always be the usual, and not the exception. You have reached that ultimate low-no day could be worse, so it's only going to get better.

At first, stubbornness kicks in. Who wants to admit that they are down? In some ways being down grabs the wrong attention. People start to pry, not necessarily because they want to meddle, i say pry in the sense that, they want to know whats going on with you. It's pretty much human instinct to want to help people-most would appreciate the same attention and compassion if they were feeling the same way. Yet that can be more painful itself because sometimes its nice to escape from how you really feel, to just have a few hours or seconds where life isn't about feeling depressed. Not again you may tell yourself...

I would say it needs structure. Talk, write, set goals. Because it isn't always that easy to keep yourself going everyday. Sometimes it helps to have that little reminder. You can't deny a method until you have tried it.

Imagine a ladder. It can only go upwards like the progress with yourself can only develop more. Most importantly, don't enjoy the depression either. Don't fall into the risk of chasing the right kind of attention you need. You will end up more lonely then before. Find it within yourself to pull through, by yourself, alone. The dependence on someone or something isn't necessary. It's better to not put too much pressure on any source you find either, just in case it isn't always accessible, say for example, running to clear your mind or finding the right person to speak to. If they aren't available it isn't a way of rejection, it's only a greater test for yourself to overcome a slight jolt in lets say, your recovery. Or more positively, your journey (which will be constant).

Just breathe, and imagine it all flooding out of you.

'the right kind of talk can fix our broken mind, helping us escape from the recursive loop of stress and negative emotion that’s making us depressed. Changing our thoughts is never easy and, in severe cases, might seem virtually impossible. We live busy lives and therapy requires hours of work and constant practice; our cortex can be so damn stubborn. But the data is clear: If we are seeking a long-lasting cure for depression, then it’s typically our most effective treatment.'
Cry if you want to. It is no weakness. It's showing you care and want to make a difference. Just remember, everyone is human. If there is that moment when you are walking down the street and feel the overwhelming urge to cry, yet are scared to be judged by others or stared at. Just remember that I bet they wish they had the confidence and lack of fear to be so free to express. After all, does it really matter, who is one to judge? Most of the time, people are closed off from you because they are trying to hide their own weaknesses as well.

Everyone is too afraid to smile...but that is a whole other story.

Panic

Why is it that we let ourselves become affected by a dream? It can set you up for the day, not necessarily in the most pleasant sense though.

On walking to work (and rushing because I left later than I should have) I felt panicked. Not necessarily because I was late, just there was an overwhelming sense of, is everything ok?

It's strange that we let ourselves become so worked up and even ill over worry. I go through a process in my head, kind of like a tick list. Do I have everything I need? Basic things to help me through the day. But then there's another list I go through in my head, assessing whether there are any further issues that need to be resolved. Emotions, doubts about anything. There is always that extra voice in your head which runs at all different speeds. Perhaps If we all took a moment more often to really listen to it then most people wouldn't feel stress or worry these days. Sometimes you just have to take yourself away from the world, and create your own bubble. There is no harm. Infact you could say that it may even set you up nicely for the next day to come. A satisfactory escape from whatever your most regular weekly routine is. Perhaps, linking how I feel to my dream. It's a matter of exposure. But then you have just got to laugh. I find the greatest comfort in moments when you tell your friends about your crazy day, the stress, the drama. And after a slight pause, they just laugh.

Everything, when it's happening feels like the most crazy, odd, sad, unpleasant moment possible. But you get through it. All you can do is learn and take from it. Does it really become a negative experience? It all becomes a story to tell.

Monday 17 January 2011

Raw

Ok.


So as I set myself up for bed, warm, lovely music playing, I snuggle down and even squeal with delight for the pure love of the comfort of my bed. To be able to sleep like a starfish and spread yourself outwards and sink before you, in some way, leave the world and make up your own. Yet my mind awakes with desire to, you could say, butter this page with words, like spreading whatever you fancy on toast.

My mind wonders to the notion of love. Loving comfort. Loving warmth. To just be happy and be happy with being happy.

And that is just it. It all may not make sense, but Im sure someday it really will...


When I began thinking about this blog, I felt sure that no statement was needed, I feel no need to explain who I am, what I do, as an ode to introduce a reason or purpose for my writing. (I suppose that is a statement in itself, but really, is there need to exhaust such expression?) My writing should just happen and nothing needs to be proven. I feel no desire to satisfy I'm making a point. There is no competition to win. Or gain. After all this is more for myself than anybody. The words hopefully of course flow, natural, just like breathing. A metaphor of life perhaps. To share the madness and ramblings of oneself feels more like an exciting, vulnerable and challenging position. Exposure. Kind of like standing completely naked in front of numbers of people with one hefty bright light shining on you. There is no where to hide. Im sick of hiding.

Of course, who the hell gives a damn about what I say. Who am I to say. But then who else is really one to say? All that matters is that we learn, from whoever, from whatever. If you learn, how can it ever be negative, right?


It'll only form you as a person. How you respond will come naturally to you. I believe there perhaps is not necessary any wrong to how one may react to such things, as long as there is no intention to directly hurt someone in the process and to get a personal kick out of that (the image of a disgusting smirk comes to mind), as apposed to it benefiting anyone.


I find myself able to get bored quite easily. Not necessary with tasks e.t.c. Perhaps with people... It may be said, that I can get quite frustrated with life sometimes, as if it is never quite enough. I find myself now regularly saying and thinking, is this it?


How I see the world now, is completely different to how I was last year, and the year before and so forth. Only once before have I been able to say I was happy. Often a friend of mine (they know who they are) would ask, how do you feel on a scale from one to ten. On that scale then, it was always a 7. Right now, I don't really imagine happiness to be measured on a scale, because there are so many varients. It doesn't matter with what regard that emotion is towards, the ability to appreciate something so much even for a second, is gorgeous. 

Now, I can simply say I am happy. Of course, I am not sad. The good day is now the everyday. The bad day is the exception. Im hoping that is what it is for most people, yet I know its a mistaken reality that someday I hope most will achieve and love in their own way.

My daily happy I do not see as a scale. I see it as horizontal. Ongoing and just.


I can see why insomnia exists.


People are my everyday challenge.


And. I. Love. It.





And so it begins...

To a day of being, and for everyday, even if it's just for a second, to have a moment of... being...



All the breathing, the laughter and everything that comes with it. For all the people in my life, this year and those to follow, that will make it what it is. Make everyday fucking amazing in a way of its own.

For now it is not a time to dream, because it is time for reality and making the most of what you have got, inner freedom.



So let's flounce. Smile, and show those amongst the way. Laugh. Always. Because it gets so silly...