Sometimes my posts don't make sense. They really don't. I think sometimes they sound like riddles...
Which is a shame because the idea of this blog is to get the message across, there is no point in writing if the message doesn't come across clearly! I suppose most feel like they are missing the true heart of my stories. They don't always show the true me. Whether it's accurate to say this or not, I suppose the true anyone will always be the more vulnerable part of self. I see a beauty in raw exposure, some may see it as weak, I prefer to see it more so as a personal invitation to figuring everything out, perhaps the ideology of life in a sense, a large part of this involves our personal selves too. We expose however much we desire of ourself, presenting parts we may like to show and of course holding back the bits we are unsure about. What makes me smile is how one learns about self everyday, we continue to surprise self and put together who we are. It is almost like we have to adjust and familiarise who we are in order to make and develop our own futures.
When I write sometimes I think about creating a place for my own thoughts too, of course everything I write comes from myself yet there are parts I know I hold back with. Sometimes I suppose I see no worth in writing it, because it only reflects my own angst. However, perhaps I have completely missed the point in taking some of my feelings away; because my writing can sometimes seem so superficial to the point that people have asked where I belong within the posts. I personally agree, and after reading past pieces I have discovered that my descriptions feel way too vague. I need to learn to give examples, maybe not in mentioning names- but how can one learn from confusion? I don't see a worth in writing what I do for people to read later and think, oh that makes sense. One has already learnt the ways of 'being', one needs to gather thoughts together now and make it sense for their own lives.
All the more, in writing this particular post also one has come to conclusion that perhaps I was protecting myself too. For in some ways I didn't want to show my own uncertainty about particulars just in case I would seem all the more mad, or even a hypocrite. There is a silliness in all of the above because of course as I say all too often, all one can do is learn. Not just myself though, others can learn too and assess the emotions also. After all, one of the best things to do is absorb it all. A lot of the time most of what we gather and gain from experience is done without even being aware of it at the time. Self realisation and strange nostalgic familiars I feel add to my contentment.
If at any time you think what I write is ridiculous, stupid, confusing, weird, good, bad...anything! Please let me know.