Tuesday, 3 May 2011

A trip away

I wish I could capture the moments on paper, I wish not to describe too much of all and why, so one can only try with words that shall have to flow.

Reflection in a way provides you with a gift, we all experience countless times when we look back at things and realise how good things were with what we had, and whether we still have them. You can see when people are thinking about it, they look down to the side, and have a sideways smile on their face. So powerful you feel their warmth. It can make you giggle inside. The smile kind of reaches out to people and lifts them up, you lift yourself up with it too and all the more you feel it, a sudden realisation comes to mind-well it does to mine anyways. I know in these moments of appreciation you tend to pick out parts in your life you really wish to keep, to make the most of and explore all the more with too. There will never be any symbol, object, piece of music (though I feel music is probably the nearest to represent how it feels) to really demonstrate and show a personal moment of clarity, love. It is almost like capturement. It can be quite overwhelming too. And yes, panic owns 1% of that moment also because we all know that there may be a time, out of our control, where what we have created and built could be taken away from us, whether it is by a choice or a greater external force. I think there are some, which I would definitely say are positive emotions so strong they could kill you. There is danger in their greatness. As we know that if they disappeared-what we link to them, the pain we would feel knowing the world with but experiencing the world without them, could kill us. Slowly. Alive.  

I think it is in times like these one finds it hard to empathise with grouch. To empathise with nag. With stress. You end up wanting to laugh at it all. Not the person who holds it and feels that way, but what the attributes can do to a person. It can be risky to push those away who hold them though. So don't, it is not wise. These chemicals our bodies create, though, I think about my 3 parts idea when I write, and I laugh at part one-the robot body. I smile with part two and I want to hug part three. I would say it's part three which allows me to do all of the above. Without that I don't think anyone could have their moments of clarity. Recognising that of which is important. A tip. Please don't let it go. Don't throw it away. You will screw yourself over and you may not ever get it back. I think there is an acute danger of giving away too much, or holding most at arms length. We only cut ourselves off and push others away. I think most of time, I am sure this all sounds too familiar haven written similar things already, It kind of feels so silly that we hold so much fear. The doubt, and judge. I still keep telling myself, don't panic, don't panic. I mean half of the amazing things in the world wouldn't exist if we always matched it with so much doubt and fear. I am glad people in the past have had the balls to go with their instincts. They created the world I live in today and I am so grateful for it. Otherwise we would live in a dead world. A world without risk and choice and passion.
When I think about the war, it feels like an alien. It is not something we really can't control like nature or in some regards health... War is man made. It is ridiculous. I sigh at war. I yawn. What a waste of energy. I think of the people out there which hold so much thought, those who put so much energy into focusing their desire into an endless battle. Can't people recognise when to draw the line. It isn't giving up. It would be building more of the world together. It just is all so silly. We are all human at the end of the day and for one kind to attack against the same, Is just foolish. We are foolish to separate ourselves from others. War is one disgusting representation of bullying, the greed, the ego-it all feels so naive. I don't see why we should be a part of it. Though I see why ignorance is bliss.
In my mind, through comparing the extreme of war and the notion of euphoria (if I may call it that) I feel like most of what I have in a way is in my hands. It is down to me to handle it in my way. Though it does also involve the people in my life, how they treat me with everything too. Everyone's personal battles eventually become a part of someone else's. We take things on, but because we chose. It links us. We become involved. We want to work with the other person, to develop, to love, to build and motive and push one another. Isn't that what living is about. To live. To live as you. To live around someone else. To want to shout with self and to shout with another. To scream for them and to let them scream alone. Levelling I suppose. Seize. Together. To be less scared. To feel power by self. As an individual but also, I struggle to explain the next half of my meaning... The summary for it seems right to write like this, alone together-there is no lonely.

When all feels so good, to cry almost feels like the only option left. I don't believe it is grabbing onto the known sadness one may know, as a comfort... I would say recognition and relief is key. Without one you can't truly appreciate the other. It is just wow. A wow moment of 'I am so lucky'. I don't believe that luck exists in a sense as, it is something we make for ourselves. Coincidence. To have the energy to give and express and want and to be. You want to pass it onto others and we all do without realising sometimes. In a smile, in a few words. Everyone enjoys to celebrate, otherwise there wouldn't be music and dance. Social gatherings wouldn't exist otherwise. We are here to enjoy ourselves. To balance the good from the bad. To experience it all and to further ourselves with it. A moment everyday to self whether it is a few seconds, minutes or something that could last for hours. Take those moments, please. I want you to feel the sun.

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