Solitude

An article perfect to summarise exactly, a way of being.

'The truth was, I was looking for a man to fill a big empty space within me. I had some unresolved issues from childhood, and a past breakup that had left my heart fractured. This rendered me emotionally unavailable to fully commit myself to another person out of fear of getting hurt again or losing myself in another relationship, as I'd done in the past. What I had failed to recognize in my four years of consistent dating and not finding a partner was that maybe there were some unconscious things going on inside of me that were preventing me from being open to accept love, support or, scariest of all, share intimacy with another.

It became apparent to me that I needed to learn to live with myself before I could expect anyone else to live with me. I needed to be solely in a relationship with me. And so I embarked on a mission to achieve solitude, and find the joy in being alone. I think many people confuse being alone with fear and sadness, but it truly can be a positive and constructive state. At the same time I was awakening to this fact, I started attending guided meditations where the mantra the teacher gave us to practice was a simple "let go." It seems so mundane, but "let go" became a daily ritual that I repeated to myself over and over, and sure enough I began cutting the cords of the relationships that were distracting me from peaceful solitude and giving me a false sense of security and self-worth. I started feeling a new kind of freedom by remaining loyal to myself.

I unearthed a lot of anger, hurt and resentment that I needed to let go of. I also had a lot of forgiveness to do on myself and others before I was ready to open myself to a healthy relationship. In my solitude, I felt like I was clearing old negative thoughts that were making my life difficult. I was also learning to have compassion for myself and getting clearer on who I was and what I really wanted from a future partner. To my surprise, with no dating I was actually starting to feel less lonely than I ever had before. My self-esteem increased dramatically.

There are people we've had in our lives for many years that are very hard to let go of. They keep us in the destructive patterns that have been familiar to us our whole lives and activate emotions in us that very few others can. When this is what we've always known, severing these ties can be a real challenge. What got me through these difficult moments was a support system of friends, and knowing that if I complete the process of letting go, I could one day move on with openness to a new person, and have the healthy relationship that I desire.

Being in solitude rather than loneliness is a choice, and we are ultimately in charge of our minds. I believe that the freedom found in solitude will support love, and the more free space I clear in my heart, the more possibility I have for love in my life.'

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erin-henry/the-joy-of-solitude_b_826649.html