Fuck you world and thank you too

I feel exhausted. Mentally exhausted. So the following words may contradict, but I am also filled with so much energy as well. Brain energy. The desire to fight, to seize, to take any opportunity and make it my own.

I have done this all before, and now it happens again coinsiding with a new painful experience as well, one I always felt I was indestructable against. So It seems I am taking a double whammy. So be it. Bring it on.

I feel a battle coming on, and what makes it so interesting is what makes it exist is only what goes on in my head. Feelings are all just words, and in whatever way that feels right sometimes you just have to take them out and see those words so they feel even more real. Emotional pain is a mind boggling thing, it has to get out in some form whether it is in tears, shouting, screaming-my form is writing. Which is why on a interesting and unexpected sense, I feel so content with all that is happening-though of course there are always particular moments where my guard is down. Impatience is definitely a sign of defeat, but If you learn from it and use it to your advantage in life, doesn't that just make you a winner?

I could never hold any regrets. Too much time and energy gets focused into what if, I should have, why didn't I? There really is no point. If someone warns me about something, in some ways I only want to experience it more, to go and explore because you just don't know without trying (of course there are always sensible exceptions). I know, that whatever happens I will get the most out of the experience, not necessarily immediately-but at another given time.

And that is why this post is about shouting at the world, and saying how dare you, though also saying thank you as well.

Right now, I'm really screaming inside. Though the image of what everyone else will see, or may see, is a smile. However it is no lie, because deep down I am smiling at the world for all its wonders to shock and amaze and treat any individual as a piece of rubbish, or a precious stone. But even with those comparisons, rubbish becomes recycled-in the way that we shall recycle the emotions caused from what we would consider our, bad times. To make use of the rubbish and take what we feel from them and use it as a lesson to live all the more with exuberance. A precious stone is already at its peak, so It can only get dirty.