It feels right in saying that right now I don't really feel alive, because what I feel is so alien and unnatural to what I have felt. I could say that to write this may be exposing too much, but I have got to the point where I just don't care any more. To write now of course is more so for a personal record for myself and my benefit. It becomes therapy and a way of dealing with things as other forms of relief do not exist.
If you want to laugh. Go ahead. When you have been beaten down nothing else matters. I was told a story one time when a friends grandparent died. The daughter of that parent, his mum, she was so scared of spiders-the most fear I have ever seen towards them-greater than my own fear towards them (the really big ones!). But when her dad lay on the floor dying and a huge great big black spider came running across near them-it just didn't matter. When something quite traumatic takes place, nothing else really does matter.
No comments:
Post a Comment