Pink news

Today a lady with pink hair gave me some good news. Some very good news.

It's definitely why we all need to wear more colour, and feel colour and be colour.

And love the world again (Yes I know I sound like a hippy). But it's true. The simple things keep you going. For me, its cupcakes, creation (music, food, art, writing) and of course my friends and family.

This song is for today.

From now on, I want things to look up. No excuses. I'm not going to miss out on anything.

GP: Shouldn't this rather stand for, Generally Prioritising?

Apologies if this offends, but in my experience and perhaps most will agree; General Practitioners really do press my buttons...

The biggest question for me is, how ill do you have to seem to thoroughly get listened too? Of course we could all put on the sympathy act in this case, but when you have to relay to your doctor what has been the problem and what the next steps they wanted to take are-this doesn't actually help towards developing your faith in someone who pretty much is in control of your health.

Sure, its fair to say that they do have time schedules and we are limited to 5-10 minutes per appointment; though when it comes to tests, what to look for-I would like to instigate some confidence that they can prioritise the particulars they are looking for. When something gets forgotten about it becomes very hard in a sense to forgive or more to the point, remain calm. Health I believe is something you just can't just neglect.

Self Diagnosis

There's a slight vulnerability in self diagnosis over the internet; the most ironic part is that we never have resolve. Who is to trust reading sources when we aren't qualified Doctors ourselves? All we end up doing is diagnosing self with more stress!

In a strange and contradicting sense, I think it is good that the internet provides so much amazing information, a new library adaptable and instant to our fingertips. When it comes to health, it's something we all need to treat with respect. As much as we learn from internet sources, we need to have faith in Doctors themselves. It can be a struggle to take time off work, to book appointments or register at the Doctors in the first place; though if one thinks about the circumstances to self if we let ourselves go, these particulars seem less important over the fear and doubt in kidding ourselves we are getting better-or even if there is nothing wrong.

To wonder is the worst, we all like resolve and need answers. Why put self through more stress? It is all so silly, and all the more harder to face the truth. But the truth may take you to new places and new horizons no levels of self diagnosis could bring to one.

Take care of one. Please.

Alcohol No Surprise

Alcohol has been found linked contributing to suicide rates. Are we all really that surprised considering most know this substance is a depressant. Tell me something I don't know already...please!

Controlling Our Fears

Coming across an interesting article detailing the mass of anxiety problems within the city, it hit home a little:

'Mindfulness training – which teaches you to stay in the moment and pay attention to all your mental and physical sensations without attempting to judge or fix them – is what saved me. And there's an increasing amount of scientific evidence that it's an effective way to treat both depression and anxiety, whether urban or rural...I recently sat alone in pitch darkness on the beach and realised I was perfectly OK with the immenseness of it all, the small dot of me in this enormous world. I wasn't in control, not at all, but so what? I was there, and that was enough.'

I want to say more about this but am finding it hard to put my thoughts into words. Mine lie with thoughts of, if anxiety doesn't get sorted out you may end up killing yourself-slowly or literally.

A life of long unhappiness is my ultimate fear, but in a large number of ways it is in my control whether this happens or not. There will always be factors in or out of our control which affect how happiness turns out; as said in the above quote, we have our own sensations which tell us when things become too much and we have to start listening to ourselves-as much as we keeping telling self we must go on, sometimes you need to stop and rest too.

I wonder how indestructible we can adapt ourselves to external factors which affect our levels of happy. There are so many parts to our brain and continuously do I realise my lessons have been learnt only when it is too late-it is then when things become clearer and more apparent. However I love this notion as well. I feel much more accomplishment in having moments of clarity when I take myself away from something. It feels like reward. In a way, it makes what seemed so complicated even easier to achieve-only to enhance my happiness.

Personally, I have always said you can't reach the high until you truly feel the low; of course there are several levels of low (some being quite dangerous) yet once action is taken to bring yourself back up again (using positive methods) only happiness can be achieved once more.

Giving Blood

In reading about giving blood, I find this article from the BBC really doesn't exactly push the idea and importance in blood donations-they more so focus on the free drinks, biscuits and pain of the event.

Perhaps when writing about blood donations, they should emphasise statistical importance and the comparison of pain which flashes for 3 seconds-to the reward in knowing that your blood can save a life! I think descriptions detailing the feeling of blood giving is mentioned three times, I don't feel the article is supportive enough to justify listing these explanations!

Black and white emphasis needs to be made, if you can take the time out to give blood, feel a slight pain yourself (which is gone within seconds) compared to loosing a life-perhaps some would understand the selfishness in not giving our time as to those loosing their entire existance.

Understanding the conscious

An interesting article from The Huffington Post in understanding our conscious. I have picked out quotes of which appealed most to me:

'In light of the reality of our postmodern predicament, engagement with spiritual inquiry becomes very potent and inherently meaningful, because what you are doing is not just philosophical and intellectual entertainment. You are actually trying to make sense of life in the biggest context for the biggest reasons. It's not a game. You are literally trying to create new grooves in consciousness -- new structures, deeper perspectives and higher potentials...

The intersubjective field, which is the self, can and does develop according to the level of participation of those individuals who are actually passionately concerned with its development.'

I find the following quote one of which I myself needs to listen to!

'...the problem is that when we begin to accumulate knowledge, our ego tends to get attached to the idea that it knows something. We often begin to feel that we are important simply because we know something. Knowledge makes the ego feel powerful, and more often than not creates a wall that protects and empowers that part of the self. And when we are attached to the idea of being someone who already knows, it's very difficult to learn or develop at the level of the soul. Especially when the context is enlightenment, development always involves venturing into unknown territory...Intersubjective evolution is always a matter of conscious, intentional, volitional, willing cooperation.'

'Not already knowing, at the deepest level, aligns us with the ground of all being, that primordial emptiness, inherently free and already liberated, that is the Self as unmanifest consciousness. Wanting to know, passionately, energetically wanting to understand, aligns us simultaneously with the Authentic Self, which is the evolutionary impulse or deepest manifest expression of consciousness.'

Some very poignant and accurate words to bear in mind. I find myself constantly seeking words to remind self of things I say, I already know and am aware about, yet for me I am need of reminders in the basic conscious learning. I need to learn it is ok to feel what I feel and to not battle against it in order to protect self from sadness. It all just needs to flow.

Choosing how you feel

If the way to be is to choose how you feel, then how come for many many years have we believed that the emotions we feel just happen? Surely, as incredible as human intelligence and the ability to evolve is, wouldn't we have adapted, learned and self taught ourselves by now that this is the better option in thinking? Wouldn't this just be healthier? Why does it take a book and the learning's from others for us to recognise a better way of being. How come we have to adapt our brains into adjusting to choosing how we feel, instead of going with our natural instincts?

Perhaps we are all just screwed from the moment of birth. I mean, I can see how we are all propagandised in a sense and conditioned to think how we do-we all learn processes like walking e.t.c We only know how to walk because one of us has taught us to walk that way.

Damn, I have just contradicted my own questions-do I know without putting into words yet? Lets look at it this way, how much of what we read sounds far too idealistic? For me now, even when writing do I realise my own self battle in trying to achieve this potential and not getting or understanding it too immediately. In fact, I find the most annoying thing is that I do understand it. I am the one who says, it is all so silly, it feels like that within those words I get it. Though I am a hypocrite in not living it. We all know the ideal way to live, the unrealistic beginning to it all is that whether we like it or not, the ideal doesn't come at an instant. Life is, a HUGE challenge of patience. I don't like to run before I can walk. I always feel about 80 years old instead of 21. I would say that within the journey of patience it comes down to us who chooses to source the outcome. Personally I haven't really understood self harm, I see it as ridiculous when at the end of the day we all know those that do it seek help. Self harm is only going backwards, or being in a stagnant state. Everything we do in self abuse is a cry for help; a release, a way to beat up, mask, distract from what we are going through. In recent exploration to a new learned way of thinking (most of which I feel I have discussed already in person with others, though being named differently in the form of 'zen') we of course choose to self-harm. But do we choose to be depressed? The body is like a robot after all, so isn't depression a form of chemical imbalance?

What I need to remind myself though, is that 'zen' isn't always constant. I suppose the choosing how we feel, that self strength effectively isn't constant either.

I become reminded by my theory (whether it is original or not, who knows and am not claiming extensively that I am original) that we tend to have three parts. Body, active mind and that other mind who realises stuff before we do ourselves, the subconscious. I have a constant self battle in trying to understand how we work, and the book argues against my instincts of course in accepting that what we do happens, just because. The book argues that we choose how we feel. But how we feel of course is caused by chemicals in our brain. Am I just missing the point and not understanding or explaining properly?! We can't choose chemicals? Therefore we can't choose emotions. So wouldn't that mean we aren't in control of choosing how we feel, when we know at times we (OF COURSE!!) desire to not get stressed about something, yet we do. Or at times we choose to think about things way too much yet we do. However, this is when my part 3 of how we work comes into it. Doesn't part 3 know that without getting stressed about things, surely the answers wouldn't have been and become without all the of the processes before!?

I really cannot tell if I am making sense to anyone so feedback would be greatly appreciated. May be I am going mad!! (or am I choosing to go mad...blah blahh blahhhhh!!!)

Eww, I would not recommend this either

For what we eat, variety is key. However, this man seems to have taken a different approach to his diet.

Touring assisted suicide

No-one wants to live in an extent of toture, but when it comes to assisted suicide I am keen to learn more about the boundries or circumstances which enable the following decision to be made-yes it is right for you to die...

'Some 85% of the 278,000 votes cast opposed the ban on assisted suicide and 78% opposed outlawing it for foreigners, Zurich authorities said.'

As discussion rises in Switzerland to whether assisted suicide should be banned altogether, and also whether it should be available to foreigners; it comes to my attention to what extent can one recognise when a life is worth leaving-should we see it as giving up otherwise?

From personal experience, I think that people do give up too easily. I don't think people are aware of what support is out there for those who feel less able to cope, I assume most see seeking support as a weakness. Understandably though, it is after all far easier to ignore and walk away from a source of pain or problem than to tackle it altogether. We seek to live in happiness, so unless there is a real exception to this, health being the most common factor, can it be said too much judgement is held against one for admitting they have a problem in the first place? If something just isn't right it needs to be sorted, to continue being unsure about certain things I don't see as worth the wait or hassle. Isn't that like being the living dead itself? A life of misery, just isn't living anymore. Quality of life comes from identifying what we like and don't like, and weighing up the good with the bad. However, it should be recognised that suicide or abusing one self with alternatives (causing a slow death in itself whether it be some of the largest killers at present, obesity, smoking, alcoholism, drug addiction e.t.c.) isn't the only option in solving our woes, there has to be a more evaluated decision if this seemed the only way for you. With assisted suicide, the question perhaps though is to what extent would the case need to be weighed to justify each assisted death?:

'Assistance can be provided only in a passive way, such as by providing drugs. Active assistance - helping a person to take or administer a product - is prohibited.'

At least there is a balance to how the death takes place, yet if someone is physically unable to pick up the tablets and take their dosage, yet verbalise their decision in wanting them-what does the phrase 'assisted suicide' really mean. Isn't the whole point in 'assisting' the death, it would seem so far it just makes the option easier to take ones own life in an accepted manner . If the case is of having the right resources, anyone can make the decision successful in saying goodbye to the world-however 'violent' the procedure seem right:

'It has said it is looking to make sure it was used only as a last resort by the terminally ill, and to limit suicide tourism.'

I am glad lines have been laid down to what condition someone must be in for them to die. Certainly there must be a percentage of people who are ill that feel a burden to their family and friends. Curiosity peeks to whether the terminally ill, once diagnosed with a life leading to what could be considered a slow death anyways, would take their own lives sooner than later? How much time can you wait it out?...:

'Dignity in Dying wants terminally ill patients with a few months to live to be allowed to get help to die in Britain.'

At least Britain is recognising alternatives for those living and suffering, but for those with 'a few months to live', surely months over years make a difference to their suffering? Shouldn't they may as well continue to wait things out? I am glad there are organisations such as Care Not Killing maintaining the development of the laws in Britain. For Britain it is a good reflection on our own quality of life, and a good reminder to reflect on others as well. Most would prefer a peaceful painless death-so why can't we grant this? The gift to walk away and decide all you can do and give in this world, acts as a last gift to the person wishing to go. Wouldn't we rather our friends or family have the opportunity to take themselves away in a way they wish so, in a way it is a gift for ourselves as well in knowing they went the way they wanted too without suffering any longer.

Some of the above may seem contradictory to my own ethics, so please take everything with some sense of exception. I hope in the future to see euthanasia portrayed in a more positive light.

Sex, coffee, a stroke?

To release an article to claim such extravagances towards our favourbles, when 'a lot more research needs to be carried out', understandably there is an importance to raise awareness of such factors which can deteriorate our health but isn't it wiser to have more solid facts in research than panicking us a little too early?

I think our judgements towards the British health service become more and more sceptical when items such as the above are released-what exactly is our money being put into?

Harry Potter esq...Merthyr

This is amazing, usually when you hear about a human lightening strike you suspect a frazzly result. Though the patterns made on the little girls skin are quite interesting.

Putting the message across

I have a background in documentary film and here is a link a film I made relevant to the postings I have made today.

http://www.vimeo.com/12487891

then password:

cancergene

Any feedback would be truly appreciated. The film was made to kick those up the arse who were scared of the topic, for people to become less scared and to check themselves out instead of sticking their heads in the sand. We wanted to represent cancer in a different light and show that making jokes isn't a bad thing. There are so many sides to everything, the film making process was a grace as so much was learned about the subjects; the process of taking part in the film also helped them with their experiences as well. Time is precious, so lets not waste it.

It seems to be a cancer day...again

Everything I read today, I don't know whether it is because it is something I have been affected by (I hate that phrase) but what I read seems to be linked to Cancer...

THE BIG C!

I know other words more appropriate to the big 'C' but that's a whole other conversation...

Everyday the subject of health stares us in the face, so how literal are we meant to take all of the warnings? News reports, health scares, television shows...Most films show aspects of cancer within them though few cinema releases are actually based around the topic. Sure, it never is a thrilling thing to discuss-the doom and gloom attached to it really is a put down compared to our usual jolly every day being, does there need to be a new approach to it all? I mean, everyday is about cancer but everyday is about a lot of other things as well. I know from experience that awareness is one of the most important things about cancer, what people automatically link to the illness is if i have this, I am going to die. These thoughts are fair enough though not necessarily how ends will meet. I feel there is a huge important in almost re marketing cancer, someone needs to get their ass on the PR of it all.

I know full well that if I had the disease, I wouldn't want my everyday to be focused around my 'health'. When there are people in your lives experiencing these emotions, it can feel like no escape. Even when it comes down to the people who really know you, sometimes being around those can be the worst situation. It all comes down to cancer, how you become treated-special treatment is fine but no-body wants the out of the ordinary 'service'. Whether you know the stage of what your body may hold, is it treatable or not?...everyday really is about YOU and not the others. Of course, health and illness from what you may have gathered from my past posts isn't always about one. Understandably we must consider the feelings attached to the person experiencing the cancer conventions though I think it a good idea to let them breathe. No-one wants the extra fuss, but no-one wants the extra reminder that one day, whether it be in months, a year or several that they might not be around anymore.

We all might not be around anymore. So I think it is important right now to appreciate the time we have to make together. The time we have to build. The time to say, what would you like to do today,  and the time to say, these are my plans lets fit around this.  My abbreviations may sound a little superficial, so please bear with me, but to this day I think it necessary for all of us to give time to those who need it-whether it is time by self or time with them. Time to chill. Time to feel like them again. Everyday whether we have a count down or not shouldn't feel like some race until the end. Days now should feel amazing. Days now should feel like heaven in knowing what you do that day you have chosen to do, because you bloody well can do it!

I am sure there are preventative measures to hand we all could absorb and integrate into our known selves. If they seem like a good option, choose it and make it yours. I don't think though that pushing the idea to one experiencing the big C  is always a very good idea. Once cancer enters our lives I think a fear of clinging onto our independence becomes discovered. From a previous link, role reversals change and you see that the one who was, your rock I suppose, or the one who began to show you world becomes slowly taken away from you, it's heartbreaking yes but we have to still let them be them. We can't cushion them. How we would like it if we were treated like a baby? Because it seems that is what it feels like most of the time. Spoon fed explicities which don't do the person any justice. They need to maintain their human self and reduce their vegetable factor. Once someone holds an illness they still have a life. I think most forget we all could die tomorrow, whether that be a crash, an overdose, a stabbing-anything. We should count ourselves lucky and live our days for us, for another, for them. I think anyone who is affected by cancer wishes to do so too.

'Cancer is poetic, but it's also...'

'how many of these touching symbols are real, and how much of this is just me analyzing life like literature, trying desperately to make sense of it, to provide some sort of character arc that makes it OK? The truth is that it is profoundly not OK. Cancer is poetic, but it's also fucking bullshit. Two contradictory things being true at once -- that's something my mom has always delighted in.'

Poetic in the sense it brings you to an immediate realisation of oh shit someone might die... Blunt, yes, but if subjects like this doesn't put things into a clear picture what would for you?

Two roads, I took the one less travelled by

Freshen up. Eat this, drink this. People laugh and say 'eww' but food like this really does make you feel better. When you think about it, if the option was right there in front of you to have a healthier well being of life, compared to the sludge you may have now-the choice becomes easy to make. People always argue there isn't time to make a healthier lunch, or it's too expensive. Price is understandable,within reason but when it comes down to adding a few more days to your life calender I think it's better to say at least you have tried giving it a go, you have kicked yourself up the arse to live 'right'. Whether it comes down to losing an extra 30 minutes of sleep to prepare your meal or taking time out to research some other alternatives. When it comes down to life expectancy and quality of living (health here as the basic standard) 30 minutes out of our days will seem like nothing if it improves our well being and gives us more time to enjoy what we have around us. No-one would want to face the words, 'if you had done this, your life have had more time'...Black and white can make it simple sometimes, for the people who say they don't like certain things and give up after the first taste-if it is something proven to be beneficial why not say to yourself, ok I don't like it but I will keep at it for at least a couple of days, as long as your healthy changes don't cause more of a mental suffer than anything else. 

Chores, or perhaps our 'commitments' can kill us slowly and wear us down and It would seem human nature takes its course that if something just isn't right for us anymore there is only so much we can take, so then we get rid of it quicker than we adopt to it in the first place. All comes into perspective when any given element in our lives aren't quite what we hope them to be. If they are too much stress for what it's worth. Kill it. Even if it's your 'belly'. I think that is one of the hardest things about health, because as much as it is all for ourselves a lot of the time we forget our own health doesn't just affect us as the individual. We all have our 'ties', our relationships and family. I am sure if what we do to ourselves had a physical affect on them too we would change our lifestyles in an instant-funny what one will do to self but won't do to another. There are always moments when the phrase 'little too late' applies, but lets not dwell too much on those-guilt may come about but please don't waste time beating yourself up about it or holding anger towards the people involved. The next step can only be the right step because this new path will be a journey into a better being. As the following words show, it takes something hardcore to happen to us to make us realise when a change needs to be made. Everyone goes through this. I think there is an apt importance for people to consider their well being a 'little too early' perhaps, at least then in a way you can in some ways get ahead of yourself and only improve your existence. It is healthy to analyse how you live right now. It is good to pin point what you like and don't like-it will only encourage you to make changes and live for the better.

Someone once told me that they don't feel guilt, because if they felt guilt they wouldn't do the things they do in their lives-everything he chooses to do he sees as right and therefore guilt doesn't exist. An example to this idea is when you eat something, and afterwards you feel guilt. The idea is that guilt becomes the kick up the butt, we all hate to feel it, we all hate feeling bad about ourselves. Guilt is the emotion we flow with in order to make an outcome of our actions. If you feel guilty about eating something, the next thing to do would be, don't eat it again. Why do something if afterwards you feel guilt towards it? I would say it becomes a wasted hobby. If we don't get enjoyment from something then there must be a balance, perseverance. Humans are creatures who only learn by doing, we learn from our 'mistakes' better than making none at all. Whether it is guilt or feeling unsure about doing something (though please don't take my words to the extreme in some areas) wouldn't it be better to have the outcome of, I didn't think I would like it in the first place but after giving it a try I have changed my mind, or the fact that giving something a try, at least then in your own head you won't be constantly wondering whether you could have done better or been more patient to the idea?

Reconcile

'You lost your dad and will lose your mom eventually. And then you will be gone too. We're all going to be gone. So there is little point to struggling against it.'

I think this has been the most poignant quote I have read today. 

On a daily basis, there are always battles.Unfortunately, these battles largely consist of the ones we appose ourselves. Be it with work, people, relationships, money, health e.t.c everyday there is always going to be an internal battle with one self:

'Because we are not just material creatures but creatures of thought and light and feeling, we are never wholly subject to problems of money and disease and loss. There is always something more to us. We are much more than our missed court dates and our poor appetites. We are much more than our rags and our bills.'

There can be such beauty in words, the words don't have to be a sentence, some can just be strands:

'we're all part of something immensely bigger, that we were brought into being in a certain form by this universe and there is no reason to suspect that we will go out of existence from this universe in any less miraculous and beautiful way.'

Sometimes it just takes a little reminder for us all to realise what we need to do with ourselves, sometimes we are doing it already without realising. It can be a painful thing to see one infront of you that suffers. Yet we must all accept that all we can give is our words. There is no need to force our own energy in trying to control their situation, because when it comes down to it, it has to take that individual to really want to change their situation-if they so believe it is right for them. Patience is necessary. Don't overcrowd them. Allow them their space.

Put your frustrations aside. People don't listen when you shout.