In Love and Sex

I found the following words quite interesting given the post I made yesterday:

'In my memoir I have exposed myself – not just sexually but emotionally. I've shown myself as weak, sometimes naive, and written about sexual rejection. A reviewer says she finds my emotional candour more shocking than the sex. I find this fascinating. The British are very squeamish about emotions too. Is owning up to rejection a bigger taboo than sex? I have written from the point of view of making what I thought was a colossal error: sex, I say, ruined my life. We have been given a formula for a "valid" relationship: it must combine sexual and platonic love. If a relationship isn't sexual, it isn't the real thing.

Yet love affairs come in every size and shape. Whether a person lives in passionate celibacy with another, or in a blaze of erotic desire with someone they find annoying, there are hundreds of flavours and mixtures of love. I made myself unhappy measuring my love against a given norm. The truth is, we make ourselves happy in among a wide variety of loves; all count.'

Whats natural about being 'natural' these days?

An article from the guardian discusses 'the natural look', to what extent this idea has evolved at present for women.

Controlling Our Fears

Coming across an interesting article detailing the mass of anxiety problems within the city, it hit home a little:

'Mindfulness training – which teaches you to stay in the moment and pay attention to all your mental and physical sensations without attempting to judge or fix them – is what saved me. And there's an increasing amount of scientific evidence that it's an effective way to treat both depression and anxiety, whether urban or rural...I recently sat alone in pitch darkness on the beach and realised I was perfectly OK with the immenseness of it all, the small dot of me in this enormous world. I wasn't in control, not at all, but so what? I was there, and that was enough.'

I want to say more about this but am finding it hard to put my thoughts into words. Mine lie with thoughts of, if anxiety doesn't get sorted out you may end up killing yourself-slowly or literally.

A life of long unhappiness is my ultimate fear, but in a large number of ways it is in my control whether this happens or not. There will always be factors in or out of our control which affect how happiness turns out; as said in the above quote, we have our own sensations which tell us when things become too much and we have to start listening to ourselves-as much as we keeping telling self we must go on, sometimes you need to stop and rest too.

I wonder how indestructible we can adapt ourselves to external factors which affect our levels of happy. There are so many parts to our brain and continuously do I realise my lessons have been learnt only when it is too late-it is then when things become clearer and more apparent. However I love this notion as well. I feel much more accomplishment in having moments of clarity when I take myself away from something. It feels like reward. In a way, it makes what seemed so complicated even easier to achieve-only to enhance my happiness.

Personally, I have always said you can't reach the high until you truly feel the low; of course there are several levels of low (some being quite dangerous) yet once action is taken to bring yourself back up again (using positive methods) only happiness can be achieved once more.

Dating Death

When you hear your mother tell you she 'is not scared about dying', you would think that initial reactions lead to one feeling sad and afraid. Though hearing those words act more like a comfort in knowing levels of acceptance have occurred. My concern lies with whether (this applies to all of us to) if we accept death and become unafraid, are we then making the most of the life we have? In the process of accepting death, is it right to say we could comfortably accept our outcome if we are satisfied in the continuous process in developing our lives?

Life is based around pleasure (and the opposite being fear); if we simplify and look at daily occurrences perhaps most would recognise if we went back to basics (in a scavenging for ourselves kind) our priorities would change. Factors in which we fuss about may be reflected on and challenged in a good sense. What really does make us happy? Come to think of it, life is simple-we only make it complicated for ourselves in wanting more and living in fear of our desires becoming unattainable.

If death has become more imminent for you than expected; it's blogs such as 'Alices' Bucket List' I think highlights the sheer importance of living and our priorities. The fact that David Cameron wishes to do his best to complete her list before she dies is a marvellous anticipation of life. I hope the rest of the world recognises if we knew we didn't have long as we thought, much less hesitance would occur in holding ourselves back. I would hope everyone experience all they wish for too.

It's moments like these, hearing about people out there with illness or disabilities or anything which hinders their way of living to the norm which most of us are lucky to have; prioritising takes place. If something isn't quite right then do something about it. If it means analysing and taking a step back from things then go for it. Priority is to enjoy your life. I think taking a step back may take two outcomes; you may not be as concerned about particular things in your life anymore, or you become more hands on and sort out the particulars you doubt.

We all have our own mental check list of what makes us happy, what we want to achieve and lifestyles we want to have and enjoy in the future. Life is a chase for all of our self achievements to be fulfilled; so when life's end is more imminent for some, or if living as a torturous being to self exists
 (so living may not even feel quite like life anymore) what really means something to you shines out more. Imagine once it's gone, you may want to make the most of it now.

YUM!

For those of you that have a sweet tooth and enjoy a good dunk in their tea

Perspective Shots

Here are a few photographs taken from journalists in risky war situations. I think they put into perspective the value of life when we are willing put ourself in danger too.

Gower Skinny Dipping World Record

As previously spoken about in Clanky Pan; Skinny dippers hit a new world record of around 400 people!

Naked Ballet Dancing Photographs

A previous post mentions the performance of naked ballet dancing. For those curious, here are the photographs to match.

Ann Patchett Interview

A good interview with Ann Patchett. Some lovely words to take note of:

"I think it's brain chemistry, I'm a positive, cheerful person and I think it is absolutely the luck of the draw. I think the life I have had has come largely from the chemicals in my head. I see my life as good and I think a lot of times if you see your life as good then that's how it turns out."

Tracey Emin. Guardian Review

'Emin has had to develop in public. One of the difficulties is that much of what she does is a kind of performance, one she has had to work out as she goes along. This is true for all of us in our multifarious ways. Life is performative – but Emin has turned it into her art...

One outdoor sculpture court appears to be just a windswept stretch of concrete, until you discover the painted bronze infant's shoe, the teddy bear and the sock scattered on the ground. A missing child, in other words. There's an indelible sense of abandonment, a silent sense of loss.'

Writing for love

Some good words about writing for those we feel for. The last paragraph greatly represents the feeling I too hold when I think about writing and what it provides for me. Some day I also aspire to have a career more involved with one of my most important passions:

'And here I can mention that there is nothing like writing for those you love. Building something out of words, an intensely personal medium – something for someone you respect, someone for whom you care – that's both a pleasure and a properly testing exercise. I have long argued that the writer's relationship with the putative reader should probably be one of loving respect: it's a way of maintaining a correct form of address. Having a literal someone out there for whom you would like to do more than your best, someone to please, can be helpful...

If you've ever tried writing for a lover, that can be intoxicating and wonderful, but it can also lead you into self-indulgence and, should the relationship founder, your deathless lines may end up all over the kitchen wall. Still, if you want to have a go ... well, I wouldn't be able to stop you. Writing from love and for love – love of the words, love of your species, love of specific joys – that's a fine remedy for ills.

And it's a reminder – Dum-dah-dum, da dah-dum dah-dum – of a deep pleasure in being a writer: the permanent music it provides. Sometimes having the benefit of a free head full of words offers as clear and complex a melody as any track I'll ever play to cheer me. Sometimes the words are background noise, sometimes they can feel like being a kid again and simply happy, sometimes they're an excuse for nearly dancing on a railway platform, sometimes I get paid for trying to put them down on paper, sometimes they'll end up in a letter with a readership of one. And this is something we all have: it takes negative intervention – illness, fear, threat – to damage our music, muffle it. But it's still there, waiting, singing inside. Onwards.'

Naked Ballet Dancing

Naked ballet dancing. Fantastic. For those that walk out or hide, well. Silly. Why would one fear the naked form, it's not like ballet dancers will have the most grosteque appearance.

Clearly, it is self contained issues. Is it vulnerability in looking at anothers naked human form?

'What's the justification for such aggressive nudity? St-Pierre, who is fascinated by taboos and the breaking of them, is trying to create a raw physical intimacy between dancer and audience, and he wants to make us laugh, too. Michael Watts, one of his dancers, says most people find the naked scenes funny. But, he adds, "we're being very childlike – we're behaving like six-year-old boys, and we get a lot of taps on the bottom from old ladies". They do occasionally encounter angry resistance, though. "One woman just hid her face completely," recalls Watts. "She put her jacket over her face. Another man got up and tried to run away. And a few dancers have got hit or pushed."'

Perhaps we forget that whilst growing up we have all in a sense, been conditioned to believe when and where is appropriate to take off our clothes and be naked. In a sense, when people say it is a form of expression; well on the one hand you could say it is the least form of expression as after all we were naturally born this way to begin with. In 'expressing' what we naturally posses, slightly baffles me. It's taken conventions of history to produce such a turn around effect. Sure, we enhance our hair as we naturally have that on display anyways; nudity holds its reputation as 'expressionism' as it goes against our conditioning to cover up. Less covering up becomes individual itself because the norm is to wear clothes, and express with material instead.

Most know if we went to the shops in our pyjamas, just thinking about the reaction we may receive would certainly effect our choices in 'expressing' in that way. If one doesn't become accepted by others this seems to largely affect the individuals choice. We grow up being taught how to behave, when and how we should eat, most of our decisions or instincts become confirmed by our parents before being allowed to do anything. I do wonder whether it is the same in relation to nudity. Unmissably, our parents-without fault as this would be the norm for them too, have encourage one to dress nicely and appropriately for each occasion. No wonder we hold the fear that, if walking to the shops in our pyjamas is a dialema, to take a further step into a nudist world seems almost possible for some.

I find myself enlightened by the prospect that dancers are encouraged to perform nude. With so many body issues in the media, and discussion that such ideas should be discussed as part as the national cirriculum; I do hope to see much more development into enhancing what we have already. I enjoy seeing the turn around and regurgitation of fashion, classic values and even now we return to expressing our raw elements. It somewhat suggests that we had most of the answers already towards great ways to 'be'. I am glad they are starting to be recognised once again.