Clank Pan Bam

My little treasure.

It has been a while. But i've needed a bit more colour...

http://abithinesy.blogspot.com

Missing you

Clanky pan I miss you and I also miss myself. I think that's why you have become a distant measure of my writing.

You will be continued, I promise. I don't make promises that often, though this one is going to exist.

The status of Clanky Pan

I apologise for my lack of posting. I think this is probably the third apology I have claimed.

Whether I blog about the real reason things have been a little slack, well...I am not sure what step to take, for in telling the truth would only be a benefit to self. I must have, subconsciously and perhaps now consciously, been putting pressure on self to blog and therefore nothing has come from it.

Sometimes the mind spirals and is pulled in so many opposing directions, one finds it hard to centre. I think this weekend will provide tales for Clanky Pan; some are already building in my head, when an idea comes about it starts phrasing in my mind like some alter ego narration (a bit like JD from Scrubs)

Lets see what happens later... who knows what I may tell. Will it be good for audience sake? And may the consequences be?

Blog development

Given that this is a blog focusing on perspective, life, happiness and making the most of self. I feel it would be wise and fun to include pictures of what goes on in my life too! How can I talk about achieving happiness and being if there are few images to reflect and demonstrate it as well!

I would like to thank the blogs I follow who inspire me daily. I think it is their attitudes expressed in sharing their worlds with us that I would like to become all the more a part of. Who knows where bigger stories may lead, into bigger adventures?!

Philosophy today

This morning I have read a very interesting point made by a blog I follow. I think it's accurate in the fact it mentions:

'philosophy as a practice and not a subject, as a means, and not an end. '

Many people see their ways as the only way, I have always found that open mindedness is best. Life is always about variables and philosophy is always going to change according to human intelligence and life lessons. Science, new technology-we are constantly adapting to new ways of living. What we learn can never be set in stone; is it right in saying philosophy only makes sense to the individual based on their personal experiences-which make it just?

Will philosophy ever become outdated as the world continues to develop? Perhaps that is the most fascinating thing about life itself; sometimes things are always applicable to the individual-the power of life, self realisation and learning what is import to one, isn't always the priority for another. Life is about priorities, and without these complete we wouldn't be happy. Though, to make those in our life happy as well as ourselves, we adapt to others too along with completing our own wishes.

Today

I will write today!!!

Sorry for being lame and not posting!

Apologies

For no posts!! I have been away over the weekend! Hopefully my hands will kick into action soon!

A change to the name

'Just, Be...' has now changed to 'Clanky Pan'. It was advised to me and I have chosen to accept that my title should really represent where exactly I wish to go with this blog.

'Clanky Pan' comes from the story of, when asked to name what I would call my cafe it if were near a train station. At first I said 'Tin Foil', and in realising that was crap...'Clanky Pan' was born.

I think it best represents all of the random goings on in my brain, and the opinions to go with the rest of the world as well. Constantly working and making sounds.

Blog views

In a research stats check up it would seem I have hit my goal of 100 hits. Small compared to most, yes, but in not knowing who reads this and for a virtual world so wide 100 feels like a good number to have. 

Thank you all for checking in!

Blogging vulnerability

When I began this blog I felt excitement and eager to display my words for the world to see, whatever the feedback I may receive. The vulnerability in showing and not hiding in a sense with words felt quite liberating, the idea at the back of my mind felt like a challenge to the wide world web. I felt like, come on then, throw it at me-your words of critique. Over the last few months of writing my blog, moments when I have looked back and re-read sections have I noticed that, as previously mentioned, they do feel like riddles. I find what interests me the most lately about blogging is that now I want to approach it with a stronger raw existence, though a large percentage of me is doubting how exclusive to be with my words.

The following article is a great example into the world of blogging and how honest and open one can be about their lifestyle. I find myself very interested by the journey this girl has taken in beginning her blog, and also closing it too.
With me personally, I find when writing, or at least when about to write-I do wonder with the words that are about to explode, whether online on my blog is the right place for them. I mean, perhaps the words are just questions and are not directed at right source? How much are they a cry for help. Sometimes I wonder whether they would be more suitable for a personal diary instead of an online blog. My posts are shared through Facebook and there are several people on there that know me, but don't KNOW me. In all honesty as much as this comes across as insulting, the list of 'friends' I have on my facebook makes me laugh. Of course, hundreds numbered on my 'Friend' list, actually aren't friends and are more like associates. I don't want to exhaust too much of the idea of what makes a person a 'friend'; but with regards to blogging am I all too sure I want to expose myself to those who I haven't seen in years, to those that I haven't seen in years, to those that don't know me. Am I doubting everyone's levels of compassion towards someone who may not seem 100% about their life?

I feel like a hypocrite to my own desires in holding back online. When is the right time to really express how I feel? To know the people I walk by everyday see my true expression in words, which perhaps feels so raw because 95% percent of the time they see a smile, not the madness which goes inside my head. I suppose one way of looking at it is that if they aren't ready to know, don't click on the link-but there isn't exactly a sense of warning (I will not get into my classification discussion-I used my dissertation for that). At the end of the day I need to accept that I still am trying to protect myself, of course I don't want anything else to add to the situation, be that comments expressing views of, is this girl crazy? I know deep down I don't want to be treated any differently.

These words, my eyes felt hot by their own admission:

'I've simply stopped writing about the many things that continue to scare and confuse me. I've long believed that there is nothing embarrassing about admitting human frailty, but when I try to write about college nowadays, I catch myself pulling back from every little unflattering anecdote, rewriting the circumstances and characters, and wanting to put forth a more attractive version of who I am. Though I am never overtly disingenuous, I occasionally feel like I'm living a lie of omission by not owning up to being constantly plagued by the same doubts that haunted me at Harvard: that I am not merely unworthy of a school but that I am too damaged to be worthy of love.'

Blogging =

A space for too many thoughts...

Or so many thoughts!

Shut up brain and put it into words!

The keyboard is like a drum. Bang bang bang and voila! We have contact.

Re-examine blog posts

Sometimes my posts don't make sense. They really don't. I think sometimes they sound like riddles...

Which is a shame because the idea of this blog is to get the message across, there is no point in writing if the message doesn't come across clearly! I suppose most feel like they are missing the true heart of my stories. They don't always show the true me. Whether it's accurate to say this or not, I suppose the true anyone will always be the more vulnerable part of self. I see a beauty in raw exposure, some may see it as weak, I prefer to see it more so as a personal invitation to figuring everything out, perhaps the ideology of life in a sense, a large part of this involves our personal selves too. We expose however much we desire of ourself, presenting parts we may like to show and of course holding back the bits we are unsure about. What makes me smile is how one learns about self everyday, we continue to surprise self and put together who we are. It is almost like we have to adjust and familiarise who we are in order to make and develop our own futures.

When I write sometimes I think about creating a place for my own thoughts too, of course everything I write comes from myself yet there are parts I know I hold back with. Sometimes I suppose I see no worth in writing it, because it only reflects my own angst. However, perhaps I have completely missed the point in taking some of my feelings away; because my writing can sometimes seem so superficial to the point that people have asked where I belong within the posts. I personally agree, and after reading past pieces I have discovered that my descriptions feel way too vague. I need to learn to give examples, maybe not in mentioning names- but how can one learn from confusion? I don't see a worth in writing what I do for people to read later and think, oh that makes sense. One has already learnt the ways of 'being', one needs to gather thoughts together now and make it sense for their own lives.

All the more, in writing this particular post also one has come to conclusion that perhaps I was protecting myself too. For in some ways I didn't want to show my own uncertainty about particulars just in case I would seem all the more mad, or even a hypocrite. There is a silliness in all of the above because of course as I say all too often, all one can do is learn. Not just myself though, others can learn too and assess the emotions also. After all, one of the best things to do is absorb it all. A lot of the time most of what we gather and gain from experience is done without even being aware of it at the time. Self realisation and strange nostalgic familiars I feel add to my contentment.

If at any time you think what I write is ridiculous, stupid, confusing, weird, good, bad...anything! Please let me know.

Thank you

Blogger Buzz: Blogger is back

Blogger Buzz: Blogger is back: "Update (5/13 7:46PM PST): Nearly all posts since Wednesday are restored, now bringing back comments from last couple days. We expect the co..."

BLOG POST COLOURS

This is amazing and beautiful and massively demonstrates what the inside of my brain looks like...

For bloggies out there

Advice!!

Blogging

The following words come from an admired blogger. Andrew Sullivan perfectly demonstrates the flow and creative feel in writing a blog. Writing feels like sound waves of the world.

'There are times, in fact, when a blogger feels less like a writer than an online disc jockey, mixing samples of tunes and generating new melodies through mashups while also making his own music. He is both artist and producer—and the beat always goes on.'

Death in writing

'Disease isn't some great, ennobling experience, as anyone who's ever rocked a paper gown knows. But it really can give a person a buttload of clarity. Those of us who have signed Do Not Resuscitate forms can tell you – being scared crapless about dying is only part of the story. Being made acutely aware of the awesomeness of living is the other...

And as is inevitably the case, when we got down to the last day, our dwindling time became increasingly bittersweet. We ate ice cream cones, savoring them until they dripped down our arms. We took a million pictures of our last sunset. We said goodbye. That's how it is at the end – whether it's a trip greatly enjoyed or a life well lived. The pleasure of being there is infused with the sadness of leaving. We look back over a shoulder one last time, hoping to hang on to the moment forever. And we want to keep saying, again and again and again, enough to last to the end of the lifetimes we won't be there to share, what Miller wrote in his last message to his family and the world. "I loved you deeply, I loved you, I loved you, I loved you." ' 

We are all fighting, all falling and all pacing through. Sometimes I wish I could put my hand through someones skull, reach into their brain and discover who they really are. To do that to everyone I meet. We all have our plans and there never seems enough time to complete our goals. We always make lists, and fail them. Should we keep making lists to disappoint or should we just get better at ticking them off? I think there is an obvious answer there, and we could all do with a kick in the arse to complete them. There are always various reasons why the particulars don't become complete, subjects which are out of our hands and avoid any control by self to maintain them. We can't always control the external forces. Change will always exist whether we planned for it or not. I think it easier to let those changes in, otherwise there will always be a battle with the world but worst of all with ourselves. Of course it is easier to accept on instance but we don't really ever get to that particular place, of common ground without the beautiful ugly pattern journey towards it.

I believe I am saying please show regard in ways you can and know, to those around you, even if they are strangers-we forget they aren't strangers to some. Everyone has their connections, their place. A world different to one should not be a threat to others, in an ideal world. We know we should just laugh and enjoy. The sun shines for a reason, but we read into it way too much. It takes time to get there. For me personally a fairly accurate way to represent my point of feeling sometimes is in film, when watching a film the world represented it seems much more of the ideal and the just life, the wouldn't that be great scenario. Trailers are a perfect example. The music, sound, imagery, the characters, the colours...They are all wonderful and when the cinema roars with pow the energy it fills the room and yourself with is incredible. You can feel the passion from the filmmakers involved into their creation of story. Everyday is about story and we write our own.