I find the following words quite interesting. I think I and others, have fallen into the trap of the said, below:

'So yeah, it's maddening, to me, to be living in a world where much of human behavior seems transparent, and you wonder why the other person isn't acknowledging things that seem pretty obvious. But when you push, it comes off like you're being superior, like you have all the answers. When of course it's pretty much the opposite, that you've seen just how few answers you actually do have.'

Though I believe the following words make sense towards the ethics behind trying to enlighten people.

'We are talking about sides of ourselves that are seeking fullness, seeking to come into being or come into fullness. Rather than focus on the "I" at the center of things, we realize that we live in a nexus of many emerging selves. For me, for instance, there is the musician and the woodsman and the solitary one, and the lover and the friend and the writer. And some of these personalities are unpleasant; they seek to dominate, to destroy, to take; they are uncivilized and animalistic. There is in me the arrogant, imperious one who seeks to know all and slay all rivals. There is the one who seeks to break all fetters, to tear out of the classroom and run free. There is the one who wants to rip up the room and expose all pretense and get everyone drunk...

We tend to acknowledge the parts of ourselves that we think are good. But the parts we think are not so good, they get irritated when neglected, and they come around too, nudging us, wanting recognition.

I do not know what this kind of therapy is called. I only know that for quite some time I would regularly sit on a rug and be asked, "What is most present right now? What is most alive?" And  this question was an invitation to these archetypes to express themselves. And as a consequence I became more friendly with parts of myself and more attuned to their requests to appear.

So it is a kind of organizing method, akin, I suppose, to the tarot: a set of archetypes.
And the beauty of it was, for me, to see myself less as the master of all around me, responsible for everything, and more as a kind of hapless dad, powerless over several vibrant and emerging lives: responsible for their needs but powerless over their ultimate shape. That is how I view myself today, as the water boy for a strange team.

So I buy instruments for my musician self. I give him lots of practice time. Etc.

Also on that strange team is, of course, the one I call "me." But the "me" is increasingly a mystery.'

Beautiful words of encouragement

The following words come from Cary Tennis towards a ex-heroin addict. Although the words below apply to the use of that particular drug, we all have our own form of 'drug' abuse. For some it will be a substance: legal-alcohol, cigarettes. Some may take illegal ones and others may source 'drugs' from substances which seem all the norm; food, caffeine, exercise, music... anything. We all have our own 'drugs', our escapes, our 'go to'. The balance is knowing when they flirt with being used as a compensation instead of dealing with other issues, or whether we use them for pure pleasure, to make the most of the moment without desiring to hide or escape. I find Cary's words accurate in representing a particular process one goes through in dealing with traumatic experiences.

'When we stop using drugs we find our lives are full of stuff. It's overwhelming!

It's like we're living in this room with a million boxes all still sealed up and piled all around us over our heads, blocking out the windows and doors. So we begin to unpack. Slowly. Most of it we'd rather leave in the boxes but it's like the boxes are piled up all around us and we're stuck in this tiny room and until we open the boxes and unpack them one by one we can't get out of the room. We hear voices outside and have the feeling it's a sunny day out there and people are having a great time but we're in here with all these boxes and inside some of them are very painful memories. So for a while we just sit there and try to catch our breath. Luckily, we find when we stop using drugs that we can sit in a room quietly and know that for now things are OK. We learn to catch little moments where everything is just OK right now. Plus, it helps that we can't really get out of the room anyway. So we learn to sit and breathe, and nobody is forcing us to open the boxes before we're ready.

But eventually, we begin opening the boxes. Now the best way to do it, I think, is with a partner -- a therapist or recovery sponsor. Because we need a structure, a plan, a way to open each box, and a plan for what to do with the contents of each box.

All the things you dream of will come to you. It's just not going to happen right this second. Right this second, you're sitting in a room full of boxes, and they have to be unpacked before you can get out of the room. Outside there's sunlight and friendship and love and people are waiting for you. They're not going anywhere. They'll be there. You don't have to hurry. All you have to do is start unpacking the boxes. But don't start until you're ready, and don't start until you have someone there with you to help you, to witness the gifts and the horrors. Yes, there will be some horrors. But listen, some of these boxes contain marvelous and forgotten treasures. It's not just all a bunch of pain and junk and horror in there. There are lots of treasures in these boxes that you've neglected or forgotten. There's a whole lifetime in there.

Everything you deserve will come, and what was taken from you will be returned. It just takes time.'

'Don't sue people. Just heal.'...Cary Tennis does it again

I have written before about my admiration for his writing. I suppose I aspire to have his skill one day in his warm and impressive, natural ability in reaching out to people. Whether the story applies to them or not, I know when I read his letters it is almost like he puts a smile inside of me. A soul smile I suppose you could call it. His words make sense, they flow like poetry that rhymes:

'Meanwhile, just heal. Don't sue people. Just heal. Live a quiet life of healing. Find a doctor who will treat you as a whole person....

I say, Take a deep breath. You take a deep breath and walk out of the park to the street. I watch you drive away and I watch the dogs play, and I take a few minutes before getting in my car. I have one of those thoughts I have often, about the mystery and vastness of the world. Then I get in my car.'

A poignant letter to one and to many

I feel this article is poignant to the fact it delivers a reminder to all that one picks themselves up again. I think back to a recent discussion over the issue of euthanasia in Switzerland and this article flirts with our ideas of suicide as well.


With Cary Tennis, I think there has been only two responses he has given I have not totally agreed with. I forever remain impressed by his ability to make the world of mixed colour a little bit more like a formed rainbow. I love the ability of his words to make one smile, even though they are aimed for someone else. It is something so natural for him:

'I had a mentor who also in some ways acted as a therapist, though there was also friendship and romance involved.'

Perhaps sometimes we need to step back and look at ourselves as if we are another person assisting the nature of our 'business'. Is it wise to interview ourselves in a way to check our intentions, or plans for time ahead? I mean, surely we don't know what direction we want to take or which way we want to go until we examine what we have; picking and pointing to the parts we like and dislike. From that we can then identify if there is anything we wish to change:

'this process of emotional relearning is slow. We don't get better overnight. But we can be assured that at any moment, however deep our despair, we are generally on the right path. Things are slowly getting better.'

The difficult part is, wanting change though expecting it to come a bit sooner than possible. A daily reminder could be a good thing, we hear people advise to repeat back out loud positive phrases about ourselves though with that idea I find it all a little too patronising and sickly. Sometimes internal reminders are best, or at least writing them down to refer to (the whole ideology of this blog also).

A link to a previous post

The following words remind me of my own.

There's been a little slog.

So no blog for quite a few days. I suppose I felt no urge to write, in risk of exhausting the point. But of course, If you don't write, the point will never come across. I had little to write except which has already been said. I believe there is no need to force things if it just doesn't feel right. Lets enlighten and share what is already out there for us to discover, and add to it ourselves.

This article is the best piece I have read today so far, and the below quote made my day:

'At 21, you can be single even if you are having a relationship with someone. You don't have to decide right away that this is an exclusive relationship...Be honest with each other. Be frank. Share what you are afraid to share. Be fearless. It's your future. It's your world.'

We all make choices. Deep down we know what we want, and don't want most of the time. We should avoid getting ourselves into vulnerable positions where we feel our happiness is jeopardised for somebody else's. If you are honest with yourself and with the people involved in your life, who knows, you may achieve the lifestyle you desire and be able to involve those you find interesting too. If you really don't want to do something, then don't. So many of us feel guilt towards our behaviour, our desires- though most of the time the way we behave feels the norm to us-it becomes our instant instinct.

Quite regularly people rely on another persons response to justify their feelings, behaviour, responses to everyday situations. As if another persons opinion should even matter?! We behave how we do because it feels right to us. Of course we know what's regarded as right and wrong. I always say, unless it comes across with an intention to hurt someone, then you aren't wrong for feeling and behaving how you do. It's making the most out of those emotions with a positive reflection-learn from them.

A conversation, piece of writing, even a sentence or a few key words can infuse you with encouragement.

Savour

Embrace

Flourish

Reconcile

'You lost your dad and will lose your mom eventually. And then you will be gone too. We're all going to be gone. So there is little point to struggling against it.'

I think this has been the most poignant quote I have read today. 

On a daily basis, there are always battles.Unfortunately, these battles largely consist of the ones we appose ourselves. Be it with work, people, relationships, money, health e.t.c everyday there is always going to be an internal battle with one self:

'Because we are not just material creatures but creatures of thought and light and feeling, we are never wholly subject to problems of money and disease and loss. There is always something more to us. We are much more than our missed court dates and our poor appetites. We are much more than our rags and our bills.'

There can be such beauty in words, the words don't have to be a sentence, some can just be strands:

'we're all part of something immensely bigger, that we were brought into being in a certain form by this universe and there is no reason to suspect that we will go out of existence from this universe in any less miraculous and beautiful way.'

Sometimes it just takes a little reminder for us all to realise what we need to do with ourselves, sometimes we are doing it already without realising. It can be a painful thing to see one infront of you that suffers. Yet we must all accept that all we can give is our words. There is no need to force our own energy in trying to control their situation, because when it comes down to it, it has to take that individual to really want to change their situation-if they so believe it is right for them. Patience is necessary. Don't overcrowd them. Allow them their space.

Put your frustrations aside. People don't listen when you shout.