Today I want to laugh at myself

and go aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I just stepped outside of where I work, to go to my local coffee shop to be greeted by two guys I regularly chat to. On the way over, though it literally 5 seconds walk from my work entrance, I think it was the air that hit me; a fresh wind which feels almost like a hug or a pair of hands gliding through your hair and massaging your head. It is like a wave reminder of, why was one so stressed earlier? And so I wish to laugh, and giggle because I will patronise myself in the sense of it was so silly. To be greeted by an unfamiliar work place who looked so confused by my, angst. I love how alien to one means the world to another-it becomes so simple for them in a way for their outside view on our lives and visa versa. I find that the beauty in everyone's problems, most of the time of course. One can be quick to smile at other goings on, though what amazes me most of all in a sense is that from the people you know the least sometimes you get the most too.

On my arrival in the coffee shop, I am greeted by the lovely hello's and how are ya's. Before I open my mouth my regular order has been called out for me and followed by a wink, I know it will be for free. We all chat over our week, yet whilst chatting glances are made. I suppose it is these glances that remind me in how to carry myself, in how to hold myself too in the way of adjusting my mind. Yes, It sounds a little crazy but I think that when one feels a bit unsure about things a smile from someone else or the gesture of free coffee kind of kicks starts you back into your known happy. You remember that all is out there to be played with, for you to make and shape for yourself. Our emotions build at times when things don't seem to be working out how we wish and suddenly we become overwhelmed by all the options in front of us, or at least the 'options' we might even feel limited by. Whether people realise they do it or not, daily interaction with others provides a comfort in knowing we all exist together. I don't see it as a distraction from what really is going on, but perhaps a simple smile encourages realisation to laugh at self. My mental check list becomes a little clearer in realising that although there are things to be sorted, the list of 'is everything ok' should really be a action plan into sorting each point out. Problems then end up becoming more practical in a sense, I think we just need a little bit of time to process the emotions that build up with them. In this case, it was a free coffee and cheesecake.

I think people see it in your face, sometimes we just know with people when something isn't quite right. I quite like how I think within most we all hold some desire in wishing to help, in wishing to ease the journey in a sense. Whether it's someone we know or not the human instinct to care is quite amazing-we strive to provide the best for others. Of course the other argument is that some strive in order to seek reward, whether that be attention or anything else; we have to accept that what we receive is because there are other intentions behind. Regardless of that fact though, if it makes a difference to your day then embrace it. I'm sure there is no harm in light admirability...

I think I just made up a new word there...

I'm glad there are mirrors

Thank you Blog spot for returning my May 12th lost post.

--
Even though you are sitting down

Even though you are walking

Even when you are guiding yourself on a path, you still feel like you are falling

Even when you are awake, you feel like you are sleeping...



There is a beauty to making lists. I don't believe it sets ourselves up for unaccomplishment, it takes balls to make lists and take it on the chin whether we complete them or not. We all make our own rules and no-one decides how we feel if we flow by them or not except self.



When I think of our everyday sometimes I imagine a block shape with a space missing, sometimes I imagine a glass not quite full to the brim. We all have our own wishes, whether others see them as right or wrong the only part that makes wishes come true most of the time are ourselves because we know when is right to tick them off our list. It is also within self to establish whether the wishes are wise or not. After all don't we know whats best for us?



I find a beauty in 'stubborn' because without this I am sure a lot of determination wouldn't exist. Sure, hope helps as well though in some ways without stubborn we wouldn't be able to create a beautiful ugly drive to push ourself beyond limits. I can see the beauty in one, I can see the beauty of two, or three if those are all connected. If they be a person, an object. I see everything and us all as solitude. Human ablity will always amaze us in our significant ways we have to re-establish ourselves and pick and put things together again. Our own form of creation. We all have some sort of single mountain inside us. I would say I'm going back to a previous post where I mentioned staying in my room for quite some time, and knowing I would cope. I feel like being in that room for some time by self would connect me to everything in its own significant way. I wonder where our desires come from, to feel so alone yet so connected too. It is almost like we have an urge to become a part of everything yet so individual as well. I feel like we are all soldiers though most of all we battle with ourselves. In some ways that itself is a sunshining, colour beauty grim image to cope with.



I shall continue this later...

A poignant letter to one and to many

I feel this article is poignant to the fact it delivers a reminder to all that one picks themselves up again. I think back to a recent discussion over the issue of euthanasia in Switzerland and this article flirts with our ideas of suicide as well.


With Cary Tennis, I think there has been only two responses he has given I have not totally agreed with. I forever remain impressed by his ability to make the world of mixed colour a little bit more like a formed rainbow. I love the ability of his words to make one smile, even though they are aimed for someone else. It is something so natural for him:

'I had a mentor who also in some ways acted as a therapist, though there was also friendship and romance involved.'

Perhaps sometimes we need to step back and look at ourselves as if we are another person assisting the nature of our 'business'. Is it wise to interview ourselves in a way to check our intentions, or plans for time ahead? I mean, surely we don't know what direction we want to take or which way we want to go until we examine what we have; picking and pointing to the parts we like and dislike. From that we can then identify if there is anything we wish to change:

'this process of emotional relearning is slow. We don't get better overnight. But we can be assured that at any moment, however deep our despair, we are generally on the right path. Things are slowly getting better.'

The difficult part is, wanting change though expecting it to come a bit sooner than possible. A daily reminder could be a good thing, we hear people advise to repeat back out loud positive phrases about ourselves though with that idea I find it all a little too patronising and sickly. Sometimes internal reminders are best, or at least writing them down to refer to (the whole ideology of this blog also).

The extinction of books

Recently I have been reading about the discussion of the survival of libraries and bookshops. I found the following article a somewhat, cute approach to keeping the covers of tales and facts we love, alive.

The fashion of fiction and facts will always lead to a new trend, whether it's e-books or representing stories we love in a different form. I have also read a quote recently, relating how a book will always become adaptable to its reader, yet an e-book cannot adjust to its owner. I personally enjoy the feel of a paper book, I think most of us spend time infront of a computer screen or on our phones. Though we may still be using the same part of our bodies to concentrate with, books provide a different feel, light and image compared to a technical one. Paper feels like an escape from technology, as much as it is reliable also-I am sure we all experience times when we like to cut ourselves off from the world. When we go on holiday it is nice to have that feeling in leaving our phones switched off. If e-books and phone apps became the majority, this pleasure wouldn't exist any longer.

Eww, I would not recommend this either

For what we eat, variety is key. However, this man seems to have taken a different approach to his diet.

This story is horrifying

Reading this gave me chills.

Touring assisted suicide

No-one wants to live in an extent of toture, but when it comes to assisted suicide I am keen to learn more about the boundries or circumstances which enable the following decision to be made-yes it is right for you to die...

'Some 85% of the 278,000 votes cast opposed the ban on assisted suicide and 78% opposed outlawing it for foreigners, Zurich authorities said.'

As discussion rises in Switzerland to whether assisted suicide should be banned altogether, and also whether it should be available to foreigners; it comes to my attention to what extent can one recognise when a life is worth leaving-should we see it as giving up otherwise?

From personal experience, I think that people do give up too easily. I don't think people are aware of what support is out there for those who feel less able to cope, I assume most see seeking support as a weakness. Understandably though, it is after all far easier to ignore and walk away from a source of pain or problem than to tackle it altogether. We seek to live in happiness, so unless there is a real exception to this, health being the most common factor, can it be said too much judgement is held against one for admitting they have a problem in the first place? If something just isn't right it needs to be sorted, to continue being unsure about certain things I don't see as worth the wait or hassle. Isn't that like being the living dead itself? A life of misery, just isn't living anymore. Quality of life comes from identifying what we like and don't like, and weighing up the good with the bad. However, it should be recognised that suicide or abusing one self with alternatives (causing a slow death in itself whether it be some of the largest killers at present, obesity, smoking, alcoholism, drug addiction e.t.c.) isn't the only option in solving our woes, there has to be a more evaluated decision if this seemed the only way for you. With assisted suicide, the question perhaps though is to what extent would the case need to be weighed to justify each assisted death?:

'Assistance can be provided only in a passive way, such as by providing drugs. Active assistance - helping a person to take or administer a product - is prohibited.'

At least there is a balance to how the death takes place, yet if someone is physically unable to pick up the tablets and take their dosage, yet verbalise their decision in wanting them-what does the phrase 'assisted suicide' really mean. Isn't the whole point in 'assisting' the death, it would seem so far it just makes the option easier to take ones own life in an accepted manner . If the case is of having the right resources, anyone can make the decision successful in saying goodbye to the world-however 'violent' the procedure seem right:

'It has said it is looking to make sure it was used only as a last resort by the terminally ill, and to limit suicide tourism.'

I am glad lines have been laid down to what condition someone must be in for them to die. Certainly there must be a percentage of people who are ill that feel a burden to their family and friends. Curiosity peeks to whether the terminally ill, once diagnosed with a life leading to what could be considered a slow death anyways, would take their own lives sooner than later? How much time can you wait it out?...:

'Dignity in Dying wants terminally ill patients with a few months to live to be allowed to get help to die in Britain.'

At least Britain is recognising alternatives for those living and suffering, but for those with 'a few months to live', surely months over years make a difference to their suffering? Shouldn't they may as well continue to wait things out? I am glad there are organisations such as Care Not Killing maintaining the development of the laws in Britain. For Britain it is a good reflection on our own quality of life, and a good reminder to reflect on others as well. Most would prefer a peaceful painless death-so why can't we grant this? The gift to walk away and decide all you can do and give in this world, acts as a last gift to the person wishing to go. Wouldn't we rather our friends or family have the opportunity to take themselves away in a way they wish so, in a way it is a gift for ourselves as well in knowing they went the way they wanted too without suffering any longer.

Some of the above may seem contradictory to my own ethics, so please take everything with some sense of exception. I hope in the future to see euthanasia portrayed in a more positive light.